The Fan Fiction Affliction
by Joseph Aniwaya
Summary: Sheldon has decided to try his hand at writing fan fiction again. He is writing a story that involves his two favorite SciFi subjects, Star Trek and Firefly. He is displeased at the reaction he is receiving and is even more unsettled at the positive acceptance someone he knows has for their story. Thanks to my wife for suggesting this story and giving me ideas for the plot.
1. Chapter 1 the Consternation Verification

The Big Bang Theory

The Fan Fiction Affliction

Chapter 01 the Consternation Verification

Leonard walked into his and Sheldon's apartment and put his keys in the bowl. "Sheldon, that was one of the best dates Penny and have I've ever had. Penny wants to change clothes, and she'll be back, and we can watch the Hobbit DVD like you wanted. Whatcha doin'?" he said to Sheldon, who was typing away at his laptop.

"Hmmm?" Sheldon asked as he looked at the screen.

"I asked what you're doing," Leonard said.

"Oh, nothing," Sheldon said, hastily shutting the lid on his laptop and turning to glare at Leonard.

Leonard said, "Wackadoodle," and walked into his bedroom. "If it were anyone else, I would say he was surfing porn."

Sheldon reopened the laptop screen and awoke the computer to see _The Firefly Chronicles__, Fan Fiction by Nodlehs, Chapter 6, The Vulcan Factor_. He typed away for a while and lost track of the time.

"The Vulcan Factor, what is that?" Penny asked behind Sheldon. Sheldon jumped, nearly knocking his laptop off the desk.

"Penny, you startled me," Sheldon said. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking? How long have you been there?"

Penny said, "I did knock. I've been standing behind you for several minutes. You seemed so engrossed in what you were writing that you didn't answer. Who is Nodlehs?"

"Penny, this is private," Sheldon said.

"All right, Sheldon, give," Penny said. "I've read everything on your screen for the last several minutes; I just need to make sense of it."

"Very well," Sheldon said, looking around to make sure he and Penny were alone, "I am writing fan fiction."

"What is fan fiction?" Penny asked.

"Fan fiction is fiction that fans of various novels, movies, and TV shows write expanding on what they have read or seen, sometimes putting the characters in new situations. I would think that would be self-explanatory. There are communities for movies like the Harry Potter films, book series like Charlaine Harris' Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire books, and TV shows like Once Upon a Time and Lost. I write for the Star Trek and Firefly groups of series and movies."

"Show me," Penny said.

Sheldon rolled his eyes. He opened his browser and went to the fan fiction site. He located the one-shot story "Grumpy Finds His Soul Mate" by Dr. Giggles. "Here is a story I just read. I don't ordinarily follow the Once Upon a Time stories, but I liked this one."

Penny read over Sheldon's shoulder. She said, "The story has 11 reviews, with 6 favorite stories and 7 author followers. What is that about?"

Sheldon explained about reviews, following, and favoriting.

"How many followers do you have?" she asked.

"That's not important," Sheldon said.

"None, huh?" Penny said. "Bummer."

"Is there something else I can do for you?" Sheldon asked.

"I'll let Leonard know I'm here. You wanted to watch the Hobbit DVD. Just let us know when you're ready. It's so late we'll only be able to watch part of it because I have to work the breakfast shift tomorrow."

Sheldon turned and resumed typing as Penny went into Leonard's room.

#

Penny sat on Leonard's bed surfing the fan fiction site.

"Penny," Leonard said, "Are you going to be on the computer all evening?"

"Oh, sorry, sweetie," Penny said. "This is fascinating. Most of these authors have all these followers, but Sheldon doesn't have any. He has a number of reviews, but they are all nasty, like this one: 'U suk yur writig suks you shud stop witig.'"

"Those are trolls," Leonard said. "I'll bet all of them are from anonymous guest reviewers. Many guest reviewers are good people and give well-intended, constructive criticism, but, if someone is just sending in a review to hurt, a troll, they do it as an anonymous guest. I don't think the trolls even read the stories. Look at the spelling. I can't help but think that these are from petulant, immature pre-teens who just want to hurt feelings."

"You're right," Penny said, "All 12 of his reviews are like this, though."

Leonard said, "Sometimes, the trolls just pick people and start targeting them and flame them whenever they post their stories, no matter how good or bad the stories are."

Leonard showed Penny how to view the traffic for Sheldon's stories. It showed that 212 people had read the first chapter, 32 people had read the second, and no one had read the rest. "Wow," he said, "Even the worst fanfic has at least some readers."

"I love Sheldon," Penny said, "but I read what he's working on over his shoulder, and it's embarrassing. It's all thinly disguised about Sheldon. Have you written any fan fiction?"

"I don't have anything published on the site right now," Leonard said. "My adviser made me take creative writing in college because he said I wasn't taking enough electives outside of science. I stunk at it. I made an A in the course, but only because I really worked at it. I think the professor gave me the grade out of pity because I tried so hard and just didn't have the imagination for fiction. It's better for me to leave writing to people who actually can and let me stick to nonfiction."

Penny asked, "Are you working on anything, you know, for kicks?"

"No," Leonard said. "I have a beautiful, amazing girlfriend. Spending my free time with her is a lot better than trying something I'm painfully bad at doing."

#

Penny removed her Cheesecake Factory uniform and dressed in her sweatpants and University of Nebraska jersey. "No, Sweetie," she said to Leonard, who was on speaker, "I just got home. I got off early since I worked over yesterday and came in for the breakfast shift today. I should have gone to buy groceries, but I really just wanted to come home and put my feet up. I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Great," Leonard said. "Let me take you out for dinner tonight. I know you're having a tough week."

"That would be great," Penny said. "I'll see you about 5:30. I'll make sure to look nice."

"Penny, if you're not up to getting dressed, I'll be glad to call in an order and go bring it back to the apartment," Leonard said. "We could have a quiet evening at home and let you relax."

"You know, Sweetie, it would be nice to put on makeup, brush my hair, put on a nice dress, and let you take me out and pamper me," Penny said.

"I have the perfect place Dr. Gabelhauser told me about," Leonard said. "If you'll trust me, I think I can have a nice surprise for you."

"Great. I'll see you later. I'm just going to chill in front of the TV until you show up," Penny said. "Bye." She ended the call.

Penny walked back into the living room in her Hello Kitty bedroom slippers and sat on the sofa. "Gee, there's nothing on TV," she said after searching cable. She looked at her pink laptop sitting on the kitchen counter with the boxed Blu-Ray collection she and Leonard had been watching on top of it. "Hmmm," she said.

#

Leonard reached the top of the stairs. He knocked on Penny's door and stuck in his head to see Penny sitting on the sofa typing away on her laptop. "Hi, Sweetheart," he said. "Whatcha doing?"

Penny briefly looked at him. "Oh, hi, Sweetie. I'm just doing a little something on the laptop."

Leonard said, "We probably don't need to leave for the restaurant for another hour. Let me go take a shower and I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Um, hum," Penny said. She resumed typing.

Knock, knock, knock, "Penny."

Knock, knock, knock, "Penny."

Knock, knock, knock, "Penny."

"Come in, Sheldon," Penny said. She quickly clicked on the Zappos icon on her taskbar, and her screen displayed the site's home screen.

"Penny," Sheldon said, "What are you doing?"

Penny turned the screen toward Sheldon.

"Oh, shoe shopping," Sheldon said. "Could you go to my story and Chapter 7 on the fan fiction site the way I showed you?"

Penny typed and then said, "All right, I'm there."

"Look at the stats up at the top," Sheldon said. "I published another chapter last night. Only two people read it, and they both reviewed it. The reviews are very hurtful."

"What did the reviews say?" Penny asked, clicking on the link to reviews.

"It was more of those 'U suk UR writig suks U should stop witig,'" Sheldon said.

Penny said, "Leonard said those are trolls. He said not to pay any attention to them."

"But they hurt my feelings," Sheldon said. "I wish there was a way to block anonymous guest reviews."

"Sweetie," Penny said, "Leonard said the flamings don't mean anything."

Sheldon said, "What would he know? He published one story, got embarrassed because of the reaction, and hasn't published anymore."

"What did he publish?" Penny asked. "He said he doesn't have anything on the site."

"I don't remember the title," Sheldon said. "He deleted it, so, technically, he was right, he doesn't have anything on the site. I think he still has his account; he just doesn't have anything published. He reviews sometimes, but he hasn't reviewed mine."

"Aw, Sweetie," Penny said, hugging Sheldon. "It'll get better."

#

Leonard, Raj, and Howard were eating lunch as Sheldon joined them.

Howard said, "It's just one chapter so far, but it's great."

Raj said, "I know. After you told me, I Googled the author and found it. I want to see where the author goes with it. What kind of name is Anathema Devine? Does that mean something to you?"

Leonard looked up from his lunch. He said, "Anathema Devine is a character in one of the novels Penny had me read. I think the title was Good Omens. If I remember, it was about the war between Good and Evil that takes place every millennium. Anathema Devine is a witch from the period when the church persecuted people as witches. I'll have to see if she still has the book."

"What are you talking about?" Sheldon asked.

"Howard and I found a very nice new Firefly story," Raj said. "It's the first thing this person has published under the name Anathema Devine. There's just one chapter so far, but it's great. It starts with this scientist approaching Captain Reynolds in a bar on this world where there are top universities. He and his colleagues have developed an alternative to the fuel system marketed by the Alliance, and the Alliance has marked them for death in retaliation. He wants the Serenity crew to help them escape to another world where they can produce the fuel."

"It sounds a little soon to know you're going to like the story," Leonard said.

Howard said, "I know, but the writer has made the characters come to life in this one chapter. The story sparkles, and the author leaves it at a point where you want more."

"Here it is," Leonard said, looking at the screen on his smart phone. "Chapter One. It has 4213 words. Look at this: It has only been on the site for two days, and over 4,200 people have viewed it. It already has over 200 reviews, with 82 favorite stories, 75 favorite authors, and 82 followers. Look at this review: 'This is wonderful, the best fanfic I've ever read. If the show ever returns, you should write for it.' I'll need to read it tonight."

Sheldon looked at the screen on his smart phone. "In what universe does a new author get that many favorites, followers, and reviews? I'll bet the rest of the reviews are nasty." He frowned as he started paging through reviews. "Oh, here's one: 'U suk UR writig suks U shud stop writig.'"

"That's a troll," Leonard said. It's worded almost identically to the flamings you've gotten. It doesn't mean anything, Sheldon."

#

Leonard sat at his desk in his and Sheldon's living room.

Sheldon said, "If you are re-running the numbers for the power analysis we were working on this afternoon, I need you to wait until we receive the results from the latest 5,000 iterations."

"I'm not running the power analysis," Leonard said. "I'm reading the story Howard and Raj were talking about on the fan fiction site."

"Why aren't you hanging with Penny tonight?" Sheldon asked.

"She's out with Amy, Bernadette, and Raj having a ladies' night," Leonard said.

"Isn't she going to come over later and take care of us?" Sheldon asked, turning around in his chair.

"She should be over later," Leonard said. "Sheldon, you really need to read this story. It's great."

Leonard resumed reading. The Serenity crew had landed on a planet where the galaxy's top universities were located. A man who introduced himself as Larry approached Captain Reynolds and said he needed to speak with him. When the two were alone, Larry told him that he knew all about him and the crew. He explained that he and three colleagues had developed a fuel that was cheaper to produce, cleaner, and more powerful than the one the Alliance was selling and that the Alliance had marked the four of them for death as a result. The other three had fled to another planet to hide, but Larry had hidden out in the bar's storeroom until he could get a ship to get his three friends and take them to the industrial world Galaxia, where they could arrange to produce the fuel. Captain Reynolds asked why they did not just turn over the formula to the Alliance, and Larry said that they were marked for death regardless of whether the Alliance got its hands on the formula, so the only way out for them was to begin producing and marketing the fuel so they could become wealthy enough to insulate themselves from the Alliance.

_#_

_"Hot boy, pointy ears, seven-year mating," River said as she walked circles around Spock on the Serenity deck. "Mind meld, hybrid, pon farr, ship. The Federation. He tasks me, he tasks me, and I shall have him. Time for regeneration."_

_"Fascinating," Spock said. "May I feel your mind?"_

_"Touch, touch, touch, touch," River said._

_Spock pressed his index and ring fingers on River's forehead and his thumb on her cheek. Suddenly, he felt himself flung through time and space. He was on the floor. He picked himself up and looked around. He was lying in an office with a large white board with scribblings on it._

_"Fascinating," Spock said again. "These are the calculations of a brilliant early 21st Century theoretical physicist regarding String Theory. Even on Vulcan in the 24th Century, we heard the name Dr. Sheldon Cooper."_

Penny looked up from the computer screen.

Sheldon said, "So? What do you think?"

"I'm confused," Penny said.

"That doesn't surprise me," Sheldon said.

"Okay, I was trying to help," Penny said. She stood and started to walk toward the door.

Sheldon said, "Penny, please come back. This is hard. I, I apologize. I need your help. What confuses you?"

Penny said, "I still don't understand what Spock is doing on the bridge of the Serenity. And don't you think it's going to become obvious that you are the author, since you praise yourself by name so enthusiastically?"

"I guess," Sheldon said.

"Hey, Penny," Leonard said, coming into the living room. "Ready?"

"Sure," Penny said. She leaned over and kissed Sheldon on the cheek, hugged him, and said, "Hang in there, Sheldon. Think about what I said. Let it stew, work on it, and I'll read it again before you submit. Maybe we can brainstorm."

As Leonard and Penny left, Sheldon waited until he could no longer hear their voices as they walked down the stairs. He looked back at the computer screen and said, "Help me, Sam Houston, she's right. A waitress has better insight into my story than I do."

#

Penny got up from her side of the booth at the Sugar-n-Spice and slid in next to Leonard.

"Problem?" the waitress asked.

"No," Penny said, "I just wanted to sit next to my boyfriend instead of across from him. Go on, Leonard, I'm listening."

"So it was totally weird," Leonard said. "I never thought in a million years my parents would allow me to have a puppy, but there he was, my grandmother's present for graduating kindergarten. My parents didn't believe in presents, especially for doing what you were expected to do, but they gave in and let me have him."

"That was Mitsy?" Penny asked.

"No, Mitsy was my dog in graduate school. I named this one Chipper."

"Because he had such a chipper personality?" Penny asked.

"No, because he chewed up wooden pencils," Leonard said.

"It sounds as if you really loved that puppy," Penny said.

"I did," Leonard said. "He was a King Charles Cavalier. He was so smart. We did everything together. That's when the other kids were picking on me unmercifully, and he was my best friend. No matter how bad my day was, I would come home and he would be dancing around wagging his tail at me."

"What happened to him?" Penny asked.

"He lived 18 years," Leonard said. "That's a long time, even for a small dog breed. He had a great life, so that made it a little easier when the time came when he. . . you know. He and I had spent that day together and had a great time. That's when I was attending Princeton. I took him to the park, and he enjoyed watching the children playing. He seemed fine, but, in human years, he was about 100. He went in his sleep that night. The vet said she thought it just happened abruptly, no suffering. I wasn't going to get another one, but my grandmother gave me Mitsy."

Penny asked, "Why didn't you bring Mitsy with you to Pasadena?"

"My Uncle Floyd and his family took Mitsy for me when I studied in Germany. They loved her and took great care of her. By the time I came back, my cousins and Mitsy had bonded, and I didn't have the heart to take her from them. It was all right. They lived in the suburbs, and Mitsy had a large, fenced-in backyard and children who played with her. I kept trying to send money for her care, but my Uncle Floyd wouldn't hear of it."

"Changing the subject, have you read any of Sheldon's fanfic?" Penny asked.

Leonard took a drink of his iced tea and said, "No, when I read his stories, it just makes him angry. He won't let up: He just keeps needling me about them wanting me to tell him how great they are. If you tell him the truth, that they're not very good, he just gets ticked off. If you say they're great and then no one likes them, he wants to know why you weren't honest with him."

Penny said, "He has good moments, like an encounter between Spock and River, but then he goes off-reservation. I mean, I don't even know why Spock transported to the Serenity deck. Then he goes goofy when Spock tries to do a mind meld on River and somehow finds himself in Dr. Sheldon Cooper's present-day office, where he praises himself by name. It's almost as if he's smoking something when he writes. The story is really hard to follow."

Leonard said, "I have gone back to the site, even though I haven't read his story. I found this neat new story I'm following."

"Are you still reading the story I showed you by Twyla Mercedes, Out of the Ashes, from the Once Upon a Time community, the one that takes place in Asheville, North Carolina?" Penny asked.

"I've been reading that one and a couple of others," Leonard said as the waitress brought their food. "I'm only about one-fourth the way through the Twyla Mercedes one, and I saw the author has a new story I want to read after I'm finished with that one."

"Ah, comfort food," Penny said as she made a puddle of ketchup on her plate and dipped one of her fries. "Grilled cheese, French fries, onion rings, and cole slaw. You know, I can fix all of these things myself, but they are so much better here. I really like the Italian restaurant you took me to when I was so tired the other night, but it's nice to come to a place I can dress down and eat my grilled cheese and fries."

Leonard took a bite of his sandwich and said, "Did Sheldon tell you why he didn't come with us? Not that I'm complaining."

"He said he wanted to work on his story," Penny said. "Amy was going to bring takeout. I wonder if he will get her to read his story."

#

Leonard and Penny found Amy and Sheldon sitting on the sofa. Amy had her laptop in front of her reading.

"Shhhh!" Sheldon said as Leonard and Penny walked into the apartment. "Amy is reading my stories."

Leonard and Penny went over to the kitchen area, where Leonard made Penny a cup of coffee.

"You know something?" Leonard said. "You're the only person I know who can drink coffee just before going to bed and sleep through the night. I would be staring through my eyelids all night if I did that."

"Yeah, my Daddy's like that too," Penny said. "What are you having?"

"I'm going to make some Sleepy Time Tea," Leonard said.

"Sheldon," Amy said, "Please explain a couple of things to me."

"Like what?" Sheldon asked.

"Why is Spock on the deck of the Serenity? There's no setup for that, and he does not explain it. Was it a time warp anomaly? Did the Enterprise go through a black hole?"

"I had the same question," Penny said. "How far along are you?"

"Chapter four," Amy said.

"There are seven chapters, unless you count the one he's finishing, in which case he has eight," Penny said.

Amy looked at Penny. A couple of minutes later, she said, "Penny, could we go over to your apartment and see if I left something over there?" She faintly jerked her head toward Penny's apartment.

"Sure," Penny said. She kissed Leonard and said, "We'll be right back."

Amy followed Penny over to her apartment. When she shut the door, she softly asked, "Penny, have you read Sheldon's chapters? They are incredibly bad. I love Sheldon and want to have his babies, but my word: He stinks on ice."

"I know," Penny said. "Sheldon's my friend, but his writing sucks."

"You should read his physics articles," Amy said. "Even when I understand what he's writing about, his articles are snoozers."

"What do we do?" Penny asked. "I don't want to hurt his feelings."

"I suggested that he read a book about writing fiction," Amy said, "but he said you already suggested that. He said he has read every book on fiction writing in the CalTech library and that Barnes and Noble had. He has also read e-books on that, so, as far as he's concerned, he's an expert."

"Poor Sheldon," Penny said. "Now he knows how I feel when all of you are having all these high IQ discussions and I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe we can get him interested in something else."

"You know how Sheldon is," Amy said. "Once he obsesses on something, he doesn't let it go."

"I know," Penny said as her iPhone alerted her that she had another email.

"Anything important?" Amy asked.

"Just a notification," Penny said. "I'll read it later. I have quite a few of them to read."


	2. Chapter 2, the Gomeria Gambit

Chapter 02

The Gomeria Gambit

Leonard pulled out his tablet as he sat in the coffee shop next door to the salon waiting for Penny to finish having her hair done. He had seen the email message alerting him that Anathema Divine had published a second chapter in the Firefly story before he and Penny had left for the salon. He followed the link.

_Chapter Two: Gomeria, by Anathema Divine_

_Larry stood on the Firefly deck holding his puppy. "Thank you so much, Captain, for sending Mr. Cobb to my Uncle Floyd's for my puppy Chipper. Jayne, I owe you big time."_

Leonard looked up from his screen and said, "Chipper? Uncle Floyd? Hmmm." He returned to viewing the screen.

_"It ain't nothing," Jayne said. "Your Uncle Floyd gave me a jar of hooch and said to tell you 'Good luck.' I'm keeping the hooch."_

_Kaylee squealed, "Puppy!" and ran to Larry, taking Chipper from him._

_Chipper squirmed in her arms and licked her face as Inara and Zoe came over and began making a fuss of him._

_River looked down on them from the walkway above saying, "Warm bed, food, toys, love my boy, love my boy, good to be a puppy."_

_"Everyone find a seat, strap in, and let's get this show on the road," the Captain said. "Larry, the dog's your responsibility."_

_"I'll help," Kaylee said. "Aren't you the sweetest thing. Larry, is it all right if I take him to engineering? I can make him a bed in the corner while I work."_

_. . ._

_Five days later, Hoban Washburn set Serenity down in a clearing on the outskirts of New Mayberry on the planet Gomeria. He noticed the signature of a recent explosion three clicks north. He walked to the deck, where Inara was helping prepare his wife Zoe. He looked at what Inara was doing and said, "Mal, I really don't like this."_

_Captain Reynolds said, "Relax. Zoe and I have bought weapons from this dealer before. She knows the drill."_

_"Sweetheart," Zoe said as Inara carefully applied heavy makeup to her eyes and thick, sticky, bright red color to her lips, "Mal doesn't have a choice. We really need the weapons, and he needs me with him to look them over and make sure we're not getting ripped-off. Since we had to stop off here anyway, we may as well buy them from the Kalikaks. We'll make a 5000 percent profit when we sell them on Galaxia."_

_"Why do you have to go as his slave?" Hoban asked._

_Mal said, "Slavery is not only legal here, but they have barbaric views about women. If Zoe showed up in public walking around with me as an equal, they would assume she is an unattached outworlder and would capture her and sell her into slavery. I'm going to chain the symbol around her neck that indicates that she has been sold, and our cover story is going to be that I am delivering her to her buyer."_

_"Sweetheart, please go back to the bridge," Zoe said. "I don't want you to get upset. Please understand I'm all right. Mal isn't going to allow anything to happen to me."_

_Hoban kissed Zoe, turned, and left for the bridge._

_Inara finished applying the slave makeup to Zoe. Kaylee was watching the process. She asked, "Inara, what are you doing with slave makeup?"_

_Inara said, "Sometimes, my clients prefer to relate to me as a pleasure slave rather than as an equal. I make sure we have all understandings up front, so they know how far they can take that fantasy."_

_"Sounds nice," Kaylee said. "Sometimes, I wonder how it would be to be a companion-or even a pleasure slave."_

_Inara said, "Kaylee, I think you have the spirit of a companion. A pleasure slave, though, it looks glamorous from far away, but not from a close range. Why don't I make you up when Mal and Zoe leave? I can teach you how to do it yourself."_

_"I would love that," Kaylee said._

_"I think Simon's around here somewhere," Inara said. "He might skip a few heartbeats to see you all fixed up instead of being covered in grease and carrying a wrench."_

_Inara and Kaylee took Zoe's clothes and weapons as she completely stripped. Mal chained a leash around her neck and tied her hands behind her back with a leather thong. Zoe's attitude abruptly changed from that of a proud warrior to that of a confident but submissive pleasure slave. Jayne pressed the button opening the ramp, and Mal started down pulling Zoe along at the end of the leash. Larry walked beside Mal._

_Mal said, "Larry, don't react if I scream at or even if I strike Zoe. That's all part of the act. I won't do any more than the people here will expect. If anyone thinks she's really not a slave I'm taking for delivery to her new buyer, they will cause us problems, and they may even seize her and sell her into slavery for real. We're low on weapons and ammunition for sale, and the dealer here will have everything we need. I have to bring Zoe with me. She's the weapons expert on this ship." He turned to the others and said over his shoulder, "Inara, Kaylee, make sure you stay in the ship, and make sure you keep an eye on River. If anyone spots any of you, they will capture you and sell you as slaves."_

_Inara said, "That's why we companions refuse to do business on this planet. The slavers here captured and enslaved the first group of companions who came here, so we have boycotted the planet ever since."_

_. . ._

_Mal saw the expression on Larry's face and said, "Try not to gawk," as they walked past the first area where merchants had their slaves for sale. Crowds of people milled about examining the slaves. Free women, their faces covered, ridiculed the naked females on display on the waist-high platform in the humiliating slave position._

_"It's barbaric," Larry said, looking at a group of painted women chained together by their throats with their hands tied behind their backs._

_"Remember, they're goods on display," Mal said. "Look away. You're beginning to attract notice."_

_"Hey, buddy. How much do you want for your slave?" a man approaching them asked. "Oh, sorry," he said as he saw the plate chained around Zoe's neck indicating that she had been sold. "My mistake."_

_"This one's not for sale," Mal said. "My client bought her last week, and I came to take possession and deliver her to him."_

_"Pity," the man said. "I own a pleasure house in the center of town, and she would bring in a lot of good business. You boys be sure to pay us a visit while you're here."_

_"Good day to you, friend," Mal said, shaking the man's hand._

_"What's his problem?" the man asked, nodding at Larry._

_"That's my sister's son," Mal said. "A mule kicked him in the head. He ain't been right since then. Don't pay him no mind."_

_. . ._

_Mal, Larry, and Zoe arrived at the public house at an alley off the main street. "Down, slave!" Mal barked for the befit of a group of young men watching Zoe with interest._

_Zoe backed up to a post and squatted on her knees._

_Mal took the chain he had used to leash her, wrapped it around her neck, and then locked it around the post, forcing her to sit up against the post unable to move. "Display yourself, slave!" he said, slapping her across the face._

_Zoe arched her back and assumed the slave display position. She wet her lips and looked in the direction of the gawking men._

_Mal said, "One sound out of you, slave, and I will cut out your tongue and nail it to this post. I'll have to pay your new master for that, but I will not tolerate a noisy slave!" He looked around at the interested men and said, "Anyone touches her, and I'll have your tongues nailed up alongside hers!"_

_The men backed away but still gawked at Zoe._

_Mal and Larry went into the pub under the sign that said no outside slaves were allowed._

_Larry whispered, "Will she be all right?"_

_Mal said, "She'll be fine. Tampering with another man's slave is a crime here punishable by enslavement or, if the owner really presses it, death. Even with her hands secured behind her and chained to the post without any weapons, Zoe can take care of herself."_

_Mal went up to the bar and indicated for Larry to sit next to him._

_"Do you have anything without alcohol?" the tall man who walked up and sat next to Larry asked._

_Larry turned toward the man and said, "I understand this establishment has a nice peach cider."_

_The bartender said, "Buddy, I don't know what you're talking about. We ain't got no cider of no kind."_

_"My mistake," Larry said. "What do you have for my friend then? He is taking medicine for his heart and can't have anything with alcohol in it."_

_"The only thing we got without no alcohol in it is goat's milk," the bartender said, his expression hinting that he smelled something unpleasant._

_"That will be fine," the other man said. The man looked around. When the bartender brought his goat's milk, Larry paid for it and said, "My treat."_

_"Thankee," the man said. He got up and said, "Would you and your uncle like to join me?"_

_"That's kind of you," Larry said._

_Larry and Mal took their beers to the corner table and sat with the man. They talked about the weather and the exorbitant price of field slaves this season. Mal and Larry finished their drinks. Larry wiped his mouth with a napkin he had taken out of his pocket and put it on the table next to the other man's glass. He and Mal stood and walked out of the pub._

_Mal unchained Zoe from the post outside of the pub, barked, "Up, slave," and jerked her to her feet._

_As the three walked down the backstreet toward the other side of the settlement, Larry said, "The note on the back of the napkin I left said in code for my three friends to come 20 minutes apart and use the password Jayne and I arranged when they approach the ship and Jayne challenges them."_

_"Why did they come to a godforsaken place like this to hide from the Alliance?" Mal asked. "I don't cotton to no slavery. I wouldn't-a done no weapons buyin' if we wasn't already coming here. I have this dream of getting together an army and coming here and freeing the slaves. I could be their Jimmy Carter."_

_"Jimmy Carter?" Larry asked._

_"You know," Mal said. "He was the president of the old United Kingdom during the American Revolution. He freed the slaves with the Magna Carta."_

_Larry smiled and said, "About my friends, they had to leave in a hurry, and the only transport not on the Alliance' radar was a black market ship heading here with humans for trafficking. We didn't like it, but we didn't have any choice. I volunteered to stay behind to find a ship to take us to Galaxia."_

_. . ._

_Mal, Larry, and Zoe walked back down the street in the general direction of the ship. When no one was near them, Mal called on the radio, "Jayne, there will be three wagons just after dark. The driver of the middle wagon will ask if you can spare some water for their mules. We arranged for everything we need. Zoe came through for us and got us a great deal."_

_"Got it," Jayne said. "The first of our meat deliveries has arrived. Its name is Eldon."_

_"Roger," Mal said._

_As the three came around the corner into the slaver area, they heard shrieking._

_"No! I'm not a slave! I deliver ships! I just stopped to refuel and repair the ship, and these men took me! I demand you untie my hands!"_

_They saw a beautiful blond woman struggling with two men. A third man, who held her leash, struck her across the face and said, "I told you to shut your pie hole! So, Samos," he said, turning toward the heavy man who was standing next to the group of women displayed for sale, "What would you give me for this one?"_

_"You have a legal right to her, Jax?" the other man asked. "I am not going to run afoul of the authorities for selling a slave you stole from someone else or you took illegally. You've come to the attention of the authorities before under suspicious circumstances. You want to make fast money, so you take too many liberties with the law."_

_"She was a lone female with no markings to indicate ownership or marriage," Jax said. "You know our laws. It was my right to claim her and take her as a slave or sell her. I have no use for her. I said shut up!" he said striking the shrieking woman again._

_Larry started to step forward, but Mal put his hand on his arm and shook his head no._

_"I'll get you for this! I am not a slave! As I told you, I deliver ships to their buyers and then catch transports back to my planet. I wouldn't have stopped here if the ship I was delivering had not leaked fuel and I had to find the nearest port."_

_Samos walked over to the woman and lifted her chin. The woman spat in his face and called him an obscene name that asserted misconduct with pigs. He calmly wiped his face with a cloth and glanced at Jax, who stuck a hypodermic needle into the woman's neck._

_The woman tried to scream, but, suddenly, she did not utter a sound, even though she worked her mouth. Her knees became wobbly, and she nearly fell._

_"Hold her," Jax said, as his men kept the woman in a standing position. He looked at Samos, who said, "I don't buy raw, untrained slaves. All of my slaves have been through the training houses where they have learned to be proper slaves. I prefer to buy slaves who were born into slavery and do not have histories of freedom to remember. This one is worse than even the most untrained of slaves."_

_"At least let me clean her up and show you," Jax said. "She is very beautiful; she just got filthy when we had to subdue her. She would make a good pleasure slave."_

_The woman looked Larry in the eye and silently mouthed, "Help me."_

_Larry whispered in Mal's ear, "We can't let this happen."_

_"Just keep your mouth shut," Mal said. "Let's move on. Now is not the time."_

_By now, Jax' men were cutting away the woman's clothing and throwing it into the nearby fire. One was washing the grime from the woman's face with a wet cloth._

_Mal tried to get Larry to move on, but Larry stood where he was and watched the scenario playing out before him._

_One of Samos' women came over and began to paint the woman's face. The woman tried to struggle, but her eyes rolled back in her head and her knees buckled._

_"She is the most beautiful human being I've ever seen," Larry whispered._

_"She's not for you," Mal whispered. "Where we're going, you can't have a slave, and I would never give passage to anyone who would own a slave."_

_"I would never own a slave," Larry said, "But I can't let this happen to her."_

_Samos stood back and looked at the freshly stripped and painted slave._

_Samos' woman said, "Master, I only had time to apply a small amount of paint. If you want me to take her off and bring her back in a few minutes, I can do a better job-especially if you give me switching rights over her."_

_The blond woman drowsily tried to lick the thick, deep red color from her lips. She continued to wobble, the men on either side still holding her in a standing position._

_"That is good enough," Samos said. "Jax, she is indeed a supremely beautiful woman. She would fetch much money selling her to one of the top pleasure houses in one of the big cities if she were trained. But, as I said before, I don't trade in untrained slaves, especially untrained pleasure slaves. You need to take her to one of the training houses and see what they will give you for her. Given this woman's fighting spirit, I'll wager that won't be much."_

_Samos walked back over to where a buyer was examining the teeth of one of his women on display and began telling the buyer about all of the woman's selling points._

_Jax turned and nearly ran into Larry, pulling the woman forward by her leash, causing her to stumble to her knees. "What are you looking at?" he demanded._

_The men with Jax pulled the woman to her feet._

_Mal quickly said, "My nephew here is learning my trade. I deliver slaves to their buyers. I sometimes also work as an agent for those who want to sell their slaves or buy select slaves. My nephew was watching because he is new to the business and is my apprentice. He wanted to see how another master slaver operates. Good day to you, sir. We will be on our way."_

_"How much do you want for her?" Larry blurted out._

_"Excuse me?" Mal asked, turning toward Larry. "Jabez, you are not licensed for the slave trade yet. You are still serving your apprenticeship."_

_"No," Larry said, "But I do not have a slave to cook and clean for me and to provide me comfort on cold nights. Any free man can buy a slave for his own use."_

_Mal gave Larry a warning look._

_"How much are you willing to spend?" Jax asked._

_The woman struggled weakly to free her bound hands. Her painted lips opened and closed as she attempted to cry out. Jax backhanded her, snapping her head back. She hung her head, stunned._

_Mal looked into Larry's eyes for a couple of moments and said, "My nephew would offer you 12 Kronas."_

_"Twelve Kronas?" Jax demanded. "For a woman like this? You see how beautiful she is. I could fetch 100 times that for her in any pleasure house in the galaxy."_

_"Not as she is, you won't," Mal said. "She was a free woman until you captured her. Even if you sent her to a training house, she would carry the memory of freedom for the rest of her life. She would plot every moment how to gain her freedom-or kill you. No, 12 Kronas is a very generous offer. My nephew here is going to have to arrange for her training at his own expense, and, from what I've seen, that is going to take a long time and cost a lot of money."_

_"Twenty Kronas," Jax said._

_"No," Mal said. "Let's go, Jabez. Come, slave." He turned, jerked Zoe forward by her leash, and began to walk away._

_"Fifteen," Jax said to Mal's retreating back. "That's my final offer."_

_Mal turned and looked Jax in the eyes. "Throw in the leash and the bindings and give her another shot of the discipline drug," he said. "We will need to be able to get her to our quarters, and she is beginning to struggle. Even with her hands bound behind her, she is difficult to control."_

_"Done," Jax said. He pulled another needle from his pocket and injected another shot into the woman's neck._

_"Pay the man," Mal said to Larry, as the woman's knees buckled and Jax' men struggled to maintain her in a standing position._

_Larry paid Jax. Jax and the woman briefly made eye contact._

_Jax tied a cord around the woman's neck with a sign on it signifying that she had been sold._

_"What happened to the ship she was delivering?" Mal asked._

_Jax said, "She must have activated the security the seller put on the ship before we captured her, because my men tell me it exploded after we left with her, killing two of my best men. It was about four clicks north, on the other side of yon hill [pointing]."_

_"Pity," Mal said. "I might have had use for it."_

_Samos, who had been watching the transaction from a distance, approached the men and looked Larry in the eye. "May the seven gods have mercy on your soul," he said to Larry. "I think, my young and impetuous friend, that you have had the last moment's peace that you will have until you rid yourself of this slut. If she belonged to me, I would take her into the woods and tie her to a tree for the sleen to eat her."_

_Jax smiled as he watched the four as they walked away with Larry guiding the stumbling woman by the arm._

_"Slaver scum," Larry said under his breath._

_The two men and two bound women walked in the direction of the ship, Mal dragging Zoe behind him by her leash, occasionally slapping her across the face or on her bottom and telling her to keep up. Larry supported the blond woman by the arm as she stumbled along._

_Larry reached to untie the woman's hands from behind her back, and Mal softly said, "No, we're not away from prying eyes. Wait until we're safely in the ship. And pull her by the leash; don't support her by the arm. Treat her as if she were your slave and didn't amount to anything other than 15 Kronas. People are still watching us." He walked over to the blond woman and slapped her across the face. "Walk, slave!" he loudly said._

_. . ._

_Jayne greeted Mal, Larry, Zoe, and the new blond woman as they came up the ramp. He raised the ramp. Mal began untying Zoe's hands from behind her back, while Inara brought her a robe._

_Zoe began rubbing the feeling back into her hands._

_Kaylee, who was still wearing the nice dress Inara had loaned her and the makeup Inara had applied, walked up to the group._

_"Wow, Kaylee," Zoe said, "You are as pretty as a companion."_

_"I'll take that as a compliment," Kaylee said._

_"Who's this?" Jayne demanded._

_"Our professor here has bought hisself a sex slave," Mal said._

_"She's not my slave," Larry said. "I free her."_

_"There's no such thing on this world as a freed slave," Mal said. "That's the hard reality of this planet. Once a slave, always a slave. She's not free until we get out of the air space."_

_"What do we do with her?" Jayne asked._

_"Her seller gave her the discipline drug," Larry said. "I bought her to keep her from being sold into slavery. I would never own a slave. I bought her to prevent her from losing her freedom."_

_"Idiot," Jayne said._

_Inara and Kaylee looked long and hard at Larry. Inara smiled. Kaylee walked over, kissed Larry on the cheek, and said, "We have a gentleman among us. I hope if I'm ever sold into slavery you come along and rescue me."_

_Larry said, "Just look at her. She is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Our children will be smart and beautiful."_

Leonard looked up from his tablet. A wide grin began to spread across his face. "Gotcha," he said softly. He continued reading.

_Inara said, "There is no antidote to the drug. We'll have to keep her comfortable until it wears off. It will be best if we allow her to sleep and wake up on her own. By the way, Larry, she is understanding and will remember everything we say, she simply cannot respond."_

_"Oh, no," Larry said. He looked at the woman and said, "I'm so sorry."_

_"What's her name?" Kaylee asked._

_"Whatever her master here says it is," Jayne said, grinning a wolfish grin at Larry._

_"I have no idea," Larry said. "Miss, I'm Larry. I did not buy you to be my slave, I bought you to keep those bastards from taking your freedom. I'm sorry the Captain here had to strike you, but we had to make it look believable that we were enslaving you. We are going to the Altair colonies next, where we will release you. I'll pay your transport to wherever you want to go. You can even go to Galaxia with my friends and me after Altair if you think you can get a better transport from there. We need to take you with us now, though."_

_The blond woman briefly made eye contact with Larry, and then her eyes rolled back in her head._

_"She's going to go down," Inara said as the woman's knees buckled._

_Larry, Kaylee, and Inara grabbed the woman and walked her over to a bench, where they had her sit. Inara went to get her a robe while Larry untied her hands and removed the leash and the sold sign from around her neck._

_"Where are my friends?" Larry asked._

_Kaylee said, "They are all hiding in the engine room. We thought it best to hide them in case the authorities boarded the ship. You're going to have to do something about Eldon. He's been on the bridge trying to tell Hoban how to pilot a ship. Hoban's going to kill him if he comes back to the bridge."_

_Kaylee helped Larry guide the blond woman to her room. She said, "We'll make arrangement for her quarters when she wakes. I prefer to keep her where I can keep an eye on her until she shakes off the effects of the drug."_

_"I'll call Simon and get him to examine her," Inara said._

_Mal said, "Jayne, let's you and me go looking for her ship. We may be able to salvage something."_

_Larry, Inara, and Kaylee managed put the woman to bed. The woman closed her eyes, became very still, and began breathing slowly. Inara left to allow her to get some rest, and Kaylee went to get her some food for when she waked. Larry turned his back to go to the other side of the room and get a chair. The woman opened one eye slightly, only closing it when Larry turned back toward her. Larry set the chair down next to the bed and sat._

#

"I'm setting the timer for 20 minutes," Laura said to Penny.

"Great," Penny said. "I'll let my boyfriend know." She pulled out her iPhone and texted Leonard: "20 min for highlights, prob 45 min tot. Go if u need 2, will text 10 min before time. ILY"

Penny saw that she had email. She pulled down her menu, which said she had 47 new notifications from the fan fiction site, including one that Twyla Mercedes had published a new chapter in her ghost story _Knock_ for Once Upon a Time. She opened the link and began reading the story.

"What are you reading?" Laura asked.

"This is fan fiction," Penny said. "I really like this writer's story, so I'm following her. Since my friends introduced me to fan fiction, I've decided that I'll register for creative writing this semester at Pasadena Community College. My adviser said I should take an elective in the arts."

#

On the other side of town, in his apartment in an old converted watch factory, Raj read, "Our children will be smart and beautiful." He looked over at Cinnamon and said, "Aha! The plot thickens."

#

At Chez Wolowitz, Bernadette was reading Anathema Divine's second chapter aloud to Howard.

"Our children will be smart and beautiful," she read.

She and Howard looked at each other. "Oh, my goodness," Bernadette said. I know who Anathema Divine is."

"Me too," Howard said.

Howard dialed Raj.

#

At 2311 North Robles Avenue, Amy and Sheldon were reading on their laptops. Amy asked, "Are you working on your fan fiction?"

Sheldon said, "No, I've put it aside for a bit, since no one's interested in it. I'm watching an episode of Kalara, Warrior Queen on Netflix. What are you doing?"

Amy said, "There's a new Anathema Divine chapter. It's really good so far. Listen to this: 'Our children will be smart and beautiful.'" She looked at Sheldon and asked, "Sheldon, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think so," Sheldon said. "I'm beginning to wonder if I am going to be one of those brilliant scientists no one appreciates until 100 years after his time."

Amy brought out her cell phone and called Bernadette. She said, "Bernadette: I know who Anathema Divine is!"

#

Leonard had a broad grin on his face as Penny came out into the salon's front area. He walked over to the cashier and asked, "What's the damage?"

The cashier rang up the total. Penny added a jar of the super conditioning treatment. Leonard paid and left the stylist a nice tip.

"Thank you, Sweetie," Penny said. She looked closely at him and said, "What are you grinning about?"

"Oh, nothing."

Penny's phone notified her of a text message. She pulled up the message. It was from Bernadette and read, "Penny: Howard, Raj, Amy, and I read the new Anathema Divine chapter today. We figured it out at the same time. LEONARD IS ANATHEMA DIVINE!"


	3. Chapter 3, the Storyboard Syllogism

The Big Bang Theory: The Fan Fiction Affliction

Chapter 3, the Storyboard Syllogism

Penny connected her laptop to the guys' large screen TV the way Leonard had shown her. She projected the image of a cork board on the screen.

Sheldon said, "Penny, I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Sheldon," Penny said, "You'll actually be doing me a favor. Let's storyboard the chapters you've written so far. My professor said I can use that for one of my projects. I could have storyboarded chapters from a published novel, but I thought I would enjoy storyboarding your story more. Even if we don't need to change anything, just storyboarding your chapters will let us see where the story's going."

"I don't see that there's anything to change," Sheldon said. "I think the readers just don't have the intelligence and discerning eye to appreciate my chapters."

"Sheldon, can't you help me out with my course?" Penny asked. "You would be helping me a lot."

"I guess," Sheldon said. "Why don't you get Leonard to share the story he posted before and deleted and try to fix that?"

Penny said, "He told me he deleted it from his hard drive. We can't recover it. Besides, I need to demonstrate that I was able to storyboard at least five chapters, and he only submitted one. I told my professor that I had a friend who has eight chapters he's posted on the fan fiction site, and he said that would be an ideal source for the storyboard."

"Wouldn't you prefer to use my corkboard and note cards?" Sheldon asked.

"I would, except that I have to turn in the storyboard in a file I create with my storyboarding program," Penny said. "Boarding your story will help me become more familiar with the program. I paid enough for it, I need to learn how to use it."

"You mean Leonard paid enough for it," Sheldon said. "What's it called, 'I can't write so I storyboard'?"

"Just indulge me," Penny said. "This is the way my professor wants us to do it."

"A dabbler, no doubt," Sheldon said. "Has this professor of yours actually published anything?"

"Of course," Penny said. "Hamish has written tons of SciFi books and has writing credits on movies and TV. He said we need to learn how to organize what we write."

"You're not talking about Hamish Mankiller, are you?" Sheldon asked.

"Yes, he's my professor," Penny said.

"Hamish Mankiller is an icon in the science fiction world," Sheldon said. "How did you get to have him as an instructor at a community college of all things? That is so beneath him."

Penny said, "He teaches one section of the first creative writing course in the fall and one section of the advanced course in the spring at the college. You have to submit a chapter, and he selects the students he wants to teach. He said he started out in community college, and he wants to encourage students who for whatever reason don't attend the big universities."

"And he selected you?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe he chose a waitress. All right, then, for Hamish," Sheldon said.

Later, Penny and Sheldon had storyboarded all eight chapters in Sheldon's Firefly Chronicles as well for the chapter he was planning to write next.

Sheldon looked at the storyboard for Chapter 1. "Hmmm," he said as he looked at the progression of the virtual note cards. "I see what you mean here [pointing at the card on the screen]. There does seem to be a gap in the story."

"How about we move this," Penny said, pointing at one of the note cards, "down here and add scenes here and here." She clicked on the card and dragged it to the place she proposed and created placeholder cards for the two places she proposed adding scenes.

Sheldon looked at the storyboard. He said, "How about, instead of doing that, [Penny clicked on Undo, returning the storyboard to its original status] we move this card [pointing] here."

Penny dragged the card Sheldon had selected to where he was pointing.

They sat back and looked at the storyboard.

"I have an idea," Sheldon said. He moved several cards, added three, and wrote in their titles and descriptions.

#

Later that evening, as they were cooking spaghetti, Leonard asked Penny, "So Sheldon deleted his story and plans to re-post it under a different title after he rewrites the chapters?"

"Yes," Penny said. "When I left him, he was working on the first chapter from the changes we made to the storyboard. He said he would let me read it before he posts it. I think he's actually excited about it. It's as if he's found a purpose for his story. Seeing the chapters and scenes storyboarded must have helped him see the discontinuities in his story."

"You did all of us a favor," Leonard said. "If it stops him from whining, even for a little while, we'll all owe you."

"It actually does help me too," Penny said. "I'm getting much more comfortable with the software. Sheldon even bought himself a licensed copy so he can use the same program. Apparently, Sheldon got the same tremendous discount through the licensed program download section of the Caltech online bookstore that you did through the Pasadena Community College online bookstore when you bought it for me. He showed me how to synchronize the files to Dropbox, so I can download his file every time he saves it and see what his progress is. We're doing the same thing in my course. Hamish is able to download our files and see how we're coming on our assignments."

"You're enjoying the course?" Leonard asked.

"I am having a ball," Penny said. "It's the first time I've taken a college course when it doesn't seem like work, even though I'm working the hardest I've ever worked for a course. We don't even meet in a regular classroom. We meet in a room at the college's coffee shop, where we have a large screen TV where we can show what we're doing. Hamish showed us the storyboard for one of his novels and talked us through the process. I have a copy of it. The software we're using lets us create what he calls the SFD, edit it, and convert it to a Microsoft Word file so we can submit it."

Leonard said, "SFD?"

Penny said, "Let's pretend the s stands for sloppy. SFD would be for Sloppy First Draft. He said the program's what he uses when he writes. We can do everything with it to produce a manuscript that we can edit in its final form in Microsoft Word. You could use it when you write your science articles, since it has templates for nonfiction academic papers. He wanted to use a program that would help us organize our manuscripts. I've gone back and storyboarded the slush novel I was working on in high school that I had on floppies. Sheldon downloaded them with his old portable floppy reader for me and copied them to my flash drive. The program imported them, so now I can work on the book again if I want. I already submitted the storyboard on it and got an A on it. I was just 16 when I was writing it, so it's super rough."

Leonard said, "It sounds to me as if you're turning into quite the writer."

Penny said, "I love it. I'm beginning to wonder if I've been chasing the wrong thing. Maybe what I really want is to be the writer. He told us about working as a writer for all these shows and movies, and I'll have to admit that I think I would enjoy that as much as being in front of the camera. You know something, Leonard? I'm seriously considering taking his advanced course next semester. He said I'm in if I want. He's encouraging me to continue on for my four-year degree in one of the writing fields after I complete my two-year degree in communication next semester."

"I hate to bring this up," Leonard said, "since you freak out whenever I use the M-word, but you do know that, once you're my wife, you can take any course through the University of California system tuition-free? You will only pay a nominal fee-$50, I think-and buy your books. If we were married, you could finish your four-year degree tuition-free."

Penny said, "Let's keep that as a possibility. Hamish said he would love to recommend me for the fiction writing program at the University of Southern California or the screenwriting program at UCLA. He knows the people at both programs and thinks I would be able to get into either program."

"How does Hamish feel about your writing fan fiction, Anathema?" Leonard asked.

Penny snapped her head around. "You know?"

"Of course I know," Leonard said. He kissed Penny on the cheek. "I'm proud of you. You have a real talent, and that's not just your boyfriend talking."

#

Hamish pointed to the storyboard from Sheldon's first chapter on the large screen TV. "Does everyone see what Penny did? She suggested that this card go here, but the author looked at it and thought this card should go here instead. After they talked about it, he added these cards. That's collaboration, folks. If you can get someone like Penny to read over your work and make suggestions, that can help punch up your writing. Sometimes sounding out ideas helps you realize the direction you need to go. At minimum, it can help you catch typos and sentence fragments before you publish. Using a beta reader for your assignments would be perfectly fine, for our purposes; it wouldn't be cheating at all. The point here is to get you thinking like a writer, and using a beta reader is what real writers do."

"Hamish, who reads your writing?" Jenny asked.

"Different people," Hamish said. "My wife does it a lot of the time, but there are others. Penny, who's your beta reader?"

Penny said, "I don't have one yet."

"Really? As good as what you've turned in is? You might want to think about getting one, not that there's anything wrong with what you're writing: It's wonderful." Hamish said. "It will help you by giving a fresh perspective to what you're writing, especially when you get stuck."

After class, Penny came over to help Hamish load up his materials.

Hamish asked, "Penny, have you given any thought to your semester project?"

"Yes," Penny said. "I found a slush novel I wrote during high school, sometimes when I was supposed to be doing other things. All my friends and I wrote our own slush novels that year after we read Love's Fury. I was thinking about re-writing it now that I am 12 years older and am taking this course. It's not very good, but maybe I can make it better. You know, I was enjoying writing fan fiction, but I think I'm going to have to put that on hold while I do this."

"Fan fiction can be a good way to go," Hamish said. "What were you writing?"

"My boyfriend and his friends love the Firefly series," Penny said. "I've been writing a story that has my boyfriend and his three friends in that universe. To be honest, I put myself in the story as someone my boyfriend's counterpart bought on a planet where they practice slavery."

"You're Anathema Divine!" Hamish said. "I love your story!"

Penny began turning red. She said, "You read fanfic?"

"I write fanfic," Hamish said. "I write under different names. You have a wonderful story. How many chapters have you written?"

"I've only written the two chapters I've posted, plus I was halfway through the third chapter when this course began. I haven't written much on it since then because I've been devoting my time to the course."

"Think about something for me," Hamish said. "The point of this first course is to get your creative juices going, to get you thinking and writing like a writer. Think about what you enjoy more, rewriting your slush novel from high school or finishing this fan fiction story. Either would be just fine for this course. If you would prefer writing the fanfic story, do that. Have you storyboarded it?"

"I didn't know about storyboarding for the first two chapters," Penny said. "I've gone back and storyboarded the first two chapters, though, and I have a tentative storyboard for the rest of the story."

"I would love to see the storyboard," Hamish said.

"I'll send it to you. Let me think about which one I would rather write," Penny said. "If the fanfic is all right, I may write that for the course and then punch up the slush novel later. I'm going to have to totally rewrite the slush novel anyway."

"You might also want to start storyboarding something original that I could help you submit to an agent," Hamish said. "Think about it. The fanfic would probably be easier for our course requirements, since you're already on the way with it, but I do want you to think about publishing for money. You have the talent."

#

Leonard looked up from Penny's third chapter in her Firefly story. "This is amazing," he said. "The story makes sense, you have strong characters-I recognize all of us, by the way-and you leave me wanting more."

"What suggestions do you have?" Penny asked.

Leonard said, "I wouldn't change a thing. I don't have any suggestions other than where I hope the story is going. I hope Larry and Persephone fall in love and wind up married. I suspect that Persephone is an assassin the Alliance sent to kill the guys. You're Persephone, right? And Persephone and Jax were in cahoots and staged his capturing her and selling her as a slave?"

"Yes, and Larry is you, Eldon is Sheldon, Simon is Howard, and Sanjay is Raj. You don't have any suggestions for what I've written?" Penny asked.

"No," Leonard said. "It's perfect just the way it is."

Penny looked at him for a moment and said, "You don't want to point out any problems because you want to be totally supportive, right?"

"Well, uh," Leonard said.

Penny said, "I told you that Hamish has his wife serve as his beta reader. I guess when you've been married 36 years, maybe you can afford to be honest. Perhaps I shouldn't expect my boyfriend, who is trying to get me to marry him, to be totally honest."

"Sweetheart," Leonard said, "I want you to be the best writer you can be. I don't want to tear you down or make you feel discouraged. Besides, I know enough to know what I like, but I just don't have the talent to write fiction."

"So you did find some things you would change?" Penny asked.

"No!" Leonard said. "I love it all. I corrected a couple of typos and syntactical errors, but that was all."

"You're going to love anything I show you that I write, aren't you?" Penny asked.

"Of course," Leonard said.

"Maybe I need to get someone who will be candid with me," Penny said. "Maybe I need to ask someone else, like one of our friends. By the way: You know they all think you're Anathema Divine, don't you?"

"No way," Leonard said.

"Way," Penny said. "I wanted to tell you so we could decide what to do."

#

Penny looked over the passage Raj was reading to her. She read and re-read it. "You're saying that I should stretch out the illusion that Larry saved Persephone from the slavers?" she asked.

"Yes," Raj said. "Let the reader come to the realization on their own, but not right away. Let them begin to suspect, but don't give it away so soon. I like it that you have Larry acting like a lovesick puppy following Persephone around. That's so you and Leonard. If you really want to make it realistic, have her use him to keep her going financially and then treat him like garbage."

"Hey! I don't treat Leonard like garbage," Penny said.

"Penny, dear, this is writing, not Denial Theater," Raj said. "Have him obviously be hopelessly in love with her and have her take advantage of that and dole out little bits and pieces of affection. Make him work for it-you know, just like you do with Leonard."

"I do that with Leonard?" Penny asked.

"Oh, please," Raj said. "The man would dress up like Dolly Parton and carry around a dead rat in his teeth for any little bit of affection or encouragement from you."

Penny gazed off into space for a few moments. She then said, "What if I have Persephone be really nice to Larry and encourage his attentions? What if she really falls head-over-heels in love with him and treats him so he knows that?"

"B-o-r-i-n-g," Raj said. "It's not funny if she doesn't treat him like her bitch."

"You think Leonard's and my relationship is funny?" Penny asked.

"Oh, it is hilarious," Raj said. "I thought it was going to get boring again after you and he got back together, when you were so smoochy-smoochy, but, now that you're being bitchy toward him again and leading him on about when or even whether you'll agree to marry the poor schmoid, sometimes I laugh so hard when I think about it that I pee a little."

Penny made eye contact with Raj and said, "You should go now."

"I thought we were still working on your story," Raj said. "I thought I was your beta reader."

"Go now, go fast," Penny said.

Leonard started up the stairs. As he turned the first corner, Raj nearly knocked him back down the stairs. As Raj charged past, he said, "Run, dude. She's throwing things."

Penny sat gazing into space as Leonard knocked on the door.

"Penny," he said. "Are you all right?"

Penny jumped up, ran to Leonard, and wrapped him in a hug. "Hold me," she said.

#

Penny downloaded and opened Sheldon's file for the revised story. She clicked on Chapter 1.

Sheldon said, "See what you think. I added the three scenes that explain how this story began."

Penny read the first few paragraphs. "Sheldon," she said, "I like your explanation of what happened on-board the Enterprise, how Spock was trapped in the transporter when there was a malfunction. I'll have to get you to explain the effects from the black hole."

"It's simple," Sheldon said. "The black hole distorts everything: time, space, matter. The transporter wouldn't act the same way it would in normal space. The Enterprise crew could not stop what happened."

Penny said, "You might want to add a simple line or two in the story about that. Remember, a lot of people who are not theoretical physicists will read the story."

Sheldon typed away on his version of the story and showed Penny, who came over and read over his shoulder.

Penny said, "That is much better. Now I understand how the story started. Let's look at the rest of the chapter."

#

Later that night, Sheldon went to the fan fiction site and created his new story, the Firefly Chronicles Redux. He explained that the story was a re-writing of his previous version of the story, with revisions that he hoped would help non-scientists understand. He began with Chapter 1, "And So it Begins," which was Penny's suggestion.

#

Leonard and Penny sat on the sofa watching the DVD as the Fifth Element ended. Penny snuggled closer to Leonard and pulled his arm over her shoulder. She kissed him for about the twentieth time.

"You're being extra clingy tonight," Leonard said. "Not that I'm complaining, but is everything all right?"

"Not really," Penny said.

"What's wrong?" Leonard asked.

"Leonard, do you think I use you? Have I made you my bitch?" Penny asked.

"Whoa! Where did that come from?" Leonard asked, taking his arm from around Penny and facing her.

Penny said, "Raj was reading my story and immediately recognized that you're Larry and I'm Persephone. He said that, if I draw out their story and make Larry a lovesick buffoon and Persephone a shrew who uses Larry the way I use you and make him struggle for every little shred of affection, it will be funny, just like our relationship is."

"He said our relationship is funny?" Leonard asked.

"He said it is so funny that, when he thinks about it, he pees a little," Penny said. "Do I use you? Am I a heartless manipulator who uses your love for me to keep me going financially and makes you struggle for every little shred of affection?"

Leonard said, "Ummmm."

"Ummmm?" Penny demanded. "So you think I use your love for me to push you into keeping my head above water financially and then just dole out little bits of affection to keep the money coming in?"

"Penny," Leonard said, "I don't think I would put it that way."

"How would you put it, then?" Penny asked.

Leonard said, "Let me put it to you in the form of a couple of questions. Do you think I'm a lovesick buffoon?"

Penny thought for a moment and said, "Sometimes you can be a bit-what is the word Sheldon used-cloying?"

"I'm sorry I keep telling you how much I love you and want to marry you," Leonard said, his voice getting an edge to it. "Fair enough, second question: Where are you in our relationship? I promised not to propose to you again a year ago, and the only movement I've seen on your part toward our getting married was a drunken, 'Would you be my consolation prize?' proposal. Are we moving toward anything, or are we spinning our wheels?"

Penny said, "Leonard, you know I have commitment issues."

"Yeah, that's getting old," Leonard said as he stood. "Where are we heading? Are we getting married? Are you going to show up at my door one day with a guy and say, 'Hey Leonard, this is Jeff. He asked me to marry him and I said yes'? You freak out whenever I want to talk about the relationship, and I'm sitting here with my feelings in my hand." Leonard walked toward the door.

"Leonard, I think you're being unfair," Penny said. "Where are you going?"

"Out," Leonard said. He slammed the door behind him.

Penny ran to the door and called after him, "Leonard?" as she heard his steps retreating down the stairs.

#

Penny sat with her head in her hands. Bernadette sat next to her with her hand on Penny's shoulder. Amy brought over a cup of chamomile tea and set it on the coffee table in front of Penny's laptop.

Bernadette asked, "Do you think Leonard is going to break up with you?"

"I don't know," Penny said. "I'm supposed to write another chapter for my class, but I can't keep my mind on it. I don't know where Leonard is. He turned off his cell phone. My calls go directly to voicemail."

"It sounds as if he was pretty angry," Bernadette said. "Maybe he's at a movie. He always turns off his phone at the movies."

"Penny, what do you want in your relationship with Leonard?" Amy asked. "It's obvious to everyone who knows you and Leonard that he is madly in love with you and wants to marry you. To be honest, other than your telling Bernadette and me that you love Leonard before you almost broke up with him, I have no clue how you feel about him. Do you want to marry him?"

Penny looked at the blinking cursor on her laptop screen.

"I'm not sure," Penny said. "All this started when Raj was reading my story and recognized two of the characters as Leonard and me and said it's funny how I use him to keep myself financially afloat and make him work for every little scrap of affection. Do you think I do that?"

Bernadette looked at Amy and said, "Penny, you do have to admit that your relationship is lopsided. You told us while Leonard was dating Priya what a great guy he is and how you wished you had never broken up with him, but what I see is that he works so hard at the relationship, and you take him for granted."

Penny buried her face in her hands.

Bernadette said, "Penny, I'm sure Leonard will come back as soon as he cools off."

"I don't know," Penny said. "He was pretty angry." She looked at the computer screen again and said, "I'm going to have to do my best. The chapter is due tomorrow. I'm really not up to it, but I can't disappoint Hamish."

Bernadette and Amy made eye contact.


	4. Chapter 4 The Reunification Configuratio

The Fan Fiction Affliction

Chapter 04, the Reunification Conjugation

Hamish switched between Sarah's storyboard and the text of her chapter. He asked, "Sarah, where did you get the inspiration to include a second love interest for Alicia?" He barely listened to Sarah's answer as he looked to the rear corner of the room, where Penny sat looking into her lap.

Penny got up and left the room. She was gone for a few minutes and then returned to her seat and looked down at her laptop keyboard. Her eyes were red, and there were tear streaks down her face.

After class, as the students were gathering their things and leaving, Hamish saw Penny putting her laptop into her bag about to leave and said, "Penny, a word?"

Penny walked up to Hamish with her head down.

Hamish waited for the last student to leave. He said, "Penny, let's sit."

Penny shook her head yes and sat. She looked down into her lap.

"Penny, what's wrong?" Hamish asked. "I really missed your participation in class today. Are you ill?"

"I'm well," Penny said. "I'm just a little off-kilter today."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry. I'll do better next class."

"What happened?" Hamish asked.

Penny buried her face in her hands and began to cry.

Hamish sat watching Penny for a few moments. He went over to the napkin dispenser and brought her a wad of napkins. He placed them in front of her and sat watching her.

Penny blew her nose on a couple of napkins. Finally, she said, "I'm sorry, I'm a mess. I must look like the Crypt Keeper."

Hamish said, "Penny, I can't say this in front of the other students, but you're my best student. I don't think I even want to read your chapter you submitted today, if you were this upset when you were writing it. Something's obviously wrong."

Penny said, "I think I've ruined things with my boyfriend. He's so angry with me-and with good reason. I think I blew the best thing that I've ever had in my life."

Hamish said, "I'm sorry to get personal. Were you and your young man planning to get married?"

Penny said, "He has wanted to marry me for years, but I've always blown him off. I really screwed up."

"May I be nosy and ask what you did?" Hamish asked.

Penny said, "I took him for granted. All he has ever done is treat me as if I am the most important person in the world, as if he worships me, and all I've ever done is make him scratch and claw for every scrap of affection from me. Four years ago, he told me he loved me, and I broke up with him for it. Two years ago, after we finally got back together, he proposed to me, and I treated him as if he had done something horrifying and almost broke up with him again. Last night, he just got fed up and left after I told him that he can be cloying when he tells me he loves me. He lives across the hall from me, and he never came home last night. I had to take his roommate to work. When I call his phone, it goes straight to voicemail. I think I've lost him-maybe I should say I threw him away."

Hamish asked, "Penny do you think he still loves you?"

Penny blew her nose again and said, "I think he loves me with all of his heart and soul, but I just don't think he likes me very much right now. He told me he wants to spend every day of the rest of his life with me, to show me every day how amazing I am, how proud he is of me, how much he loves me. You know, the funny thing is that, after I broke up with him for telling me he loved me, I wanted to get back together with him, but, whenever I started to tell him, he would be with someone else. He's a great guy, the best. Now I have him back, and I treat him like dirt. He's one of those rare people, you know, who honestly means it when he tells me he loves me. There's no manipulation, no hidden agenda: He simply loves me. He has the purest soul of anyone I've ever met."

Hamish said, "Penny, if he loves you that much, I would wager that it's not too late. I think maybe you still have a shot-don't you think?"

Penny sniffled and dabbed at her eyes. "Oh, darn," she said. "I should have used waterproof mascara this morning. I'll bet I look like a raccoon. I'm supposed to have a meeting with promoters for a new con about a role, and they wanted me to come with no makeup, so I just put on a bit of mascara I could remove before meeting with them. About having a shot, I just don't know. I've always relied on how much I saw Leonard loves me. I knew that, whatever I did, he would be there adoring me and would forgive anything. I wish I could take back the last few years. I would treat him so much better."

Hamish said, "Penny, first of all, I think I've gotten to know you pretty well, and I can't imagine that you are capable of doing anything as uncaring and inconsiderate as you think you did. But, even if you did, I think you know what you have to do. You have to fight for-uh Leonard is it? I can't imagine what would have happened to me if I hadn't fought and my Lori hadn't finally accepted my proposal. If I had given up-I just don't know. You know something? I have never looked at another woman in all our years of marriage, and I've taught and worked with some of the most fascinating, beautiful women around. Having Lori in my corner, I've always felt secure enough to venture out and take chances. I quit my job teaching high school English and started writing, and Lori was always there believing in me, even when I wasn't having any success as a writer. I don't think I would have ever had the courage to do that if it weren't for her."

Penny said, "I just quit my job as a waitress a couple of days ago. I didn't even talk to Leonard about it; I just did it so I could pursue an acting career. I guess I assumed he would always be there to catch me if I fell. He paid my tuition for the course and bought the books and software. He's paid for all of my courses for the last couple of years."

"It sounds as if you were pretty secure about his love," Hamish said.

"Maybe a little too secure," Penny said.

Hamish said, "Penny, why don't you work on an alternate assignment instead of submitting your next chapter right now? Why don't you write about how you feel? You could write the scene between you and your young man and really pour out your feelings. You can work on your chapter some more-you know, once you feel better-and tell me when you've resubmitted it. I haven't read what you turned in for today yet, but I suspect it's not your best work."

"Thank you," Penny said. "You're right. It sucks. I'll do the alternate assignment."

#

"Leonard?" Sheldon's assistant Alex said. "Leonard!"

Leonard finally looked up. He said, "Huh?"

"Okay," Alex said, "I am going to take the controls to the laser array. You're going to get both of us killed. Why don't you go walk around, maybe get a cup of coffee?"

"I'm sorry," Leonard said. "I'm a little distracted."

"No," Alex said, "You aren't a little anything. You're horribly distracted. Is everything all right?"

"No," Leonard said.

"Anything I can do?" Alex asked.

"No," Leonard said. "I'm going to go back to my office for a bit and lie down on the futon I keep in there."

"All right," Alex said. "If I can help with that, let me know."

"O-k-a-y," Leonard said.

Leonard left his lab and walked to the other side of the third floor of the experimental physics building. He opened his office to find Penny sitting on the futon he had slept on the night before cleaning up his Red Bull cans and putting the wrappers from the cheese and peanut butter crackers, which had been his supper and breakfast, into the trash. He froze in the doorway. "Oh, hi," he said.

Penny got up and walked to him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face between his shoulder and neck. She began weeping loudly.

Leonard shut the door behind him with his foot as he held her.

Finally, Penny said, "Leonard, I am so sorry. Did we break up last night?"

"I didn't," Leonard said. "Did you? It wouldn't be the first time."

Penny said, "You're still angry with me, aren't you?"

Leonard said, "I'm more sad than angry, although there is still some anger there."

Penny said, "I want us to stay together. Leonard, I had a lot of time since last night to worry whether I had lost you. I didn't sleep. I kept coming over and checking, but you never came home. I can't bear the thought of not having you in my life. What do you want, if you could have anything you could from our relationship or from me? What would make you not be angry and sad?"

"That's easy," Leonard said. "I haven't made any secret of the fact that I've wanted to marry you for years. The anger comes from the fact that I just don't see that we're making any progress toward that, and you keep pushing me away and making excuses. You freaked out so badly at the prospect of marrying me that I promised you I wouldn't propose anymore, that it was all in your court, and I just don't see any real progress toward our getting married."

Penny said, "Ah, rats! I really should have used waterproof mascara today. Your shirt is a mess. Leonard, what would it take to make everything all right?"

Leonard said, "I have to know that we're going to get married-soon. I don't want to drag this on forever. Can you assure me that we are moving quickly toward getting married?"

At that moment, Alex knocked on the door. She poked her head in and said, "Oh, hi, Penny is it? Leonard, I hate to bother you, but the surge alarm is flashing again. I need you in the lab."

"Sure," Leonard said. "I'll be right there. Penny, I'll be just a few minutes."

Penny said, "I actually have to run. My agent called, and I have to meet with the promoters of one of the cons. I may have a job. I'm sure I look horrible."

"Okay," Leonard said. "We can talk more about this later." He turned and started out the door with Alex.

"Leonard?" Penny asked.

Leonard turned around and looked at her.

Alex put her hand on Leonard's shoulder.

"I love you," Penny said.

Leonard left the door open as he walked out with Alex.

#

"Miss, uh...," the production assistant said.

"Penny," Penny said. She stood and put her iPad into her bag as she followed the assistant into what looked like a boardroom.

Three men in jeans and one woman in a business suit sat at a large wooden table.

"Thank you for coming," the man closest to the door said. He introduced himself and the rest of the people there. "Penny, we're starting Vegas Con in a few weeks in, of course, Las Vegas. It will run Thursday through Sunday. We're just starting this year, but we hope to make it as big as the other cons. We're recruiting actors to play various characters to walk around, sign autographs as their characters, and promote the event. Are you familiar with the Firefly TV series?"

"Oh, yes," Penny said. "My boyfriend and his friends are really into it. He even gave me the entire series on Blue-Ray. I've watched all of the episodes and the Serenity movie."

"We saw your picture and thought we might have you dressed up as Inara the Companion from Firefly," the woman said. "We need someone who is extraordinarily beautiful. Of course, Inara is a brunette, but that's why we have wigs."

"Morena Baccarin played her," Penny said. "She is so beautiful. I got to meet her when my boyfriend took me to the WonderCon in Anaheim. You do know that she's a blonde now?"

The woman made a sour face and said, "I know. She was so beautiful before. Now that she's dyed her hair blonde and chopped off most of it, not so much. If you're game, Lisa here will take you to hair, makeup, and wardrobe and bring you back so we can see how you would look as Inara."

As Penny left with the assistant, the older man at the end of the table said, "She is so beautiful that, if we decide not to use her as Inara, we could have her as any of a number of other characters. We can't fake the olive complexion, but she is so beautiful people are going to notice her no matter what character she plays."

Later, Lisa ushered Penny back into the room where the three men and the woman were going over sketches for the characters they wanted to hire actors to play at the con. They looked up. Penny was wearing companion's robes and a black wig. The makeup artist had made her up to look like Inara.

"Wow!" the woman said. "Penny, I didn't recognize you at first. You are striking."

The people walked around Penny commenting on how she looked. They had Penny leave with a photographer to take pictures.

As Penny was finishing the pictures set, the woman walked into the room and said, "Penny, we had an idea. We would like for hair, makeup, and wardrobe to fix you up as a couple of other characters, just to see. Are you game?"

"Sure," Penny said.

#

Hamish dropped his keys into the bowl and set his Osprey messenger bag with his laptop in it on the chair. He walked over to the table by the window, where his wife Lori was reading his latest chapter in The Razor's Edge. He kissed her on the cheek.

Lori took his hand and kissed it.

"Did you have a nice day?" Hamish asked.

"Two young men approached me at Starbucks before my meeting and said they liked me in the role of Stifler's mom in American Pie," Lori said. "I told them I'm not Jennifer Coolidge, but they didn't believe me. They insisted I give them autographs."

"You could pass for her sister," Hamish said. "What did you do?"

"I signed autographs for them that said, 'I'm not Stifler's mom,'" Lori said. "I think it made their day."

"Where are you in the chapter?" Hamish asked, looking over Lori's shoulder.

"I'm at the section where Skree first meets the Trylons," Lori said. "I've highlighted a couple of paragraphs. I understand what you're trying to say, but it's a bit awkward."

"Speaking about awkward," Hamish said, "I had an uncomfortable chat with my student Penny today."

"The girl you think is so talented?" Lori asked.

"Yes," Hamish said. "I've had many talented students, but this one has what it takes. I would bet my career on that. She was upset today. Apparently, she and her young man are having problems. She submitted the worst chapter: She had all the four scientists kneeling with their hands bound behind them and exploded a device, killing all of them, including her, as well as blowing up the Serenity and its crew."

"Wow," Lori said. "She was upset."

Hamish said, "She certainly put her feelings in the chapter. It's a good thing I suggested that, as an alternative, she should write something new, maybe the confrontation she had with her young man, showing her feelings, then scrap the chapter and try again. She was planning to re-write the chapter this afternoon and then work on the alternative assignment between now and next class."

Lori said, "You've never told me how old Penny is. I'm assuming she's freshman or sophomore age, say 18 or 19?"

"No," Hamish said. "She has to be about our daughter's age. I would say 27, 28. She dropped out of college and has been waitressing and trying to find work as an actress for the past few years."

"How serious problems are they having?" Lori asked.

"It's hard to tell," Hamish said. "She was pretty upset."

"I enjoyed her story you shared with me," Lori said. "I agree: She has that spark that the good ones have, that you have. I want to read it as she finishes more chapters."

"Let's hope she and her young man can work it out," Hamish said. "This was the first class when she wasn't the force that kept the class going. By the way, I suggested her to play Inara, the companion from Firefly, at Vegas Con, when I talked to the promoters. The promoters have already contacted her agent about it."

#

Penny sat at the sofa in her sweat pants and one of Leonard's Caltech sweatshirts. She looked at the clock and said, "Oh, good. I have two hours before Leonard should be home. She renamed her chapter and started its replacement. It started on the Serenity deck.

_The four scientists were on their knees with their hands cuffed behind them._

_Persephone walked in front of them and looked at them, holding an old-style pistol at her side._

_"Seffy," Larry said. "I thought we meant something to each other. That time we spent on Microsoftia, where I bought you a new wardrobe and we ate at that little cafe..."_

_"Shut up!" Persephone said._

_Persephone's accomplice Jax walked onto the deck. He said, "I have the men chained up and locked in the storage room and the women tied up and locked in the whore's pod. I'll start the timer on the device to blow up the ship as soon as we are about to leave." He was carrying a laser saw he had brought from engineering._

_Simon asked, "What are you going to do with that?"_

_Jax said, "The Alliance only needs me to produce your heads for Persephone and me to get paid." He dropped a large canvas bag on the floor next to Larry. He turned to Persephone and asked, "Do you want to put a bullet in each of their heads first? That will keep them from struggling. Personally, I like taking heads when the captives are alive. I like to hear their screams as I start cutting, and I like to see how the others react when they see what's coming to them."_

_Persephone walked over to Larry and said, "I'm so sorry about this." She turned and put a bullet between Jax' eyes._

_As Jax crumpled to the floor, the startled expression still on his face, Persephone took a key from around Jax' neck and unfastened the cuffs holding Larry's hands behind his back. She handed the key to Larry. "Free your friends," she said. "We're going to have to dispose of Jax' body out the air lock. I'll go free the others."_

_"Why?" Larry asked as he uncuffed Sanjay. "Why did you turn on your partner?"_

_Persephone turned as she walked toward the companion's pod and said. "Because I love you."_

#

Sheldon left the departmental meeting and turned on the sound on his cell phone. He saw that he had 12 reviews for his first chapter for his revised story. He rolled his eyes and said, "I may as well face the music."

He opened the first review. "This is much better," Princess Idara said. "It makes sense, and I like the way you set up the disaster on the Enterprise."

The rest of the reviews were similar, except for one, from an anonymous guest reviewer, which read, "U suk, UR writig suks, you shud stop witig."

Sheldon smiled and said, "There's always a troll. Screw him."

#

Penny and Leonard walked into the Acropolis, where a striking middle-aged woman greeted them. "Party of two?" she asked.

"Actually," Penny said, "We are meeting friends." She spotted Hamish, who was waving. "There they are," she said.

"Oh, you're friends of Hamish and Lori," the woman said. "Any friends of Hamish and Lori are friends of mine. Welcome to our restaurant." She picked up two menus and cutlery bundles and led Leonard and Penny to Hamish and Lori's table.

Hamish stood and hugged Penny, who introduced Leonard. Hamish smiled when he saw that Leonard and Penny were holding hands. He shook hands with Leonard and introduced his wife Lori.

Lori hugged Penny and said, "Penny, you are even more beautiful than Hamish said."

As the server left with Leonard and Penny's drink orders, Lori said, "Penny, I have been enjoying your submissions to Hamish's class. The fan fiction based on the Firefly series is one of the best stories I've ever read. I am eager to see the rest of it. Hamish shared your storyboard, and I think you're going to have a real winner. Have you thought about re-writing it to move it away from the Firefly franchise so you could submit it to an agent?"

Penny said, "I haven't thought about that."

Lori said, "I would love to help you with that. I especially like the way your character Persephone double-crossed her accomplice and shot him to keep from having to kill Larry and his colleagues. Then, when the captain dropped all of them off at Galaxia, that set the stage for more drama down the road when the Alliance comes after them. That is very good fiction. I would love to help you get the story in shape so you can submit it for publication."

"So you're a writer too?" Penny asked.

"Well, I was," Lori said, "but I found I liked being an agent even more."

"You're Hamish' agent?" Penny asked, surprised. "He said he has you beta read what he writes, but he didn't say you're his agent."

"I have been for the past 15 years," Lori said. "His first agent Bert retired, and he offered me his client list-for a price, of course. I jumped at the chance to buy Hamish and a couple of other writers you may recognize. I still love writing, but I love helping writers get their stories in shape to pitch to publishers even more. If you're interested, I would love to represent you."

They talked about Penny's story until their orders came. Hamish said, "Leonard-I want to call you Larry-what do you do? Penny said you're some sort of scientist?"

"He's more than that," Penny said. "He is an experimental physicist at Caltech. He won the McArthur Award and spent four months last year heading up Stephen Hawking's team in the North Atlantic researching the presence of Unruh radiation in a large body of water. He may be in line for a Nobel Prize."

Leonard looked at Penny. He said, "Wow! That was absolutely correct! See? You are smart. Maybe one day I'll get you to believe it."

Hamish asked, "So you know about topics like the Big Bang Theory and quantum mechanics?"

"That's what I do," Leonard said. "I have a new grant to do some classified experiments with lasers. That reminds me, Penny, the FBI is going to pay you a visit-just to make sure you're cool."

Hamish asked, "Would you be willing for me to call on you from time to time? I'm working with a producer on a pilot for a new TV series that takes place in deep space. As a matter of fact, the producer is looking for a technical adviser. Do you think you might be interested?"

"Sure," Leonard said. "I can also give you the contact information for our friend Dr. Rajesh Koothrapali, who is an award-winning astrophysicist."

As the two couples left the restaurant, Lori hugged Penny again and arranged for Penny to come see her the next day to talk about her story. Leonard invited Hamish and Lori to visit his lab at Caltech. They arranged for Penny to bring them that Friday.


	5. Chapter 5, the Con-Figuration

Surname / TITLE / 21

The Big Bang Theory: the Fan Fiction Affliction

Chapter 5, the Con-Figuration

Penny stood in front of the three-way mirror admiring herself in the black wig as Anika finished hemming her companion's robes and Paulette added a final layer of red gloss to her lips.

Charles came in and asked, "Just about ready to go? We're ready for Inara on the floor."

Anika and Paulette pronounced Penny all finished. Penny followed Charles to the Firefly booth at the first annual VegasCon, where Jewel Staite and Gina Torres had just arrived and were waiting to sign autographs for their Firefly roles as Kaley and Zoe. Penny joined the other actors, who were dressed as other characters from the Firefly series.

Esther, from the team who had hired Penny for the con, came over and whispered, "Penny, you look absolutely beautiful. I do have a favor to ask to help us out with a last-minute crisis: Our actress who was supposed to dress up as Yeoman Rand and serve the members of the original cast for the Star Trek panel is sick. She's running a 101-degree fever, and the doctor won't approve her appearing. Would you be willing to have us dress you as her for their panel discussion? There's an extra $500 in it for you."

"Sure," Penny said. "Yeoman Rand was a fair-skinned blond, so it won't be as much of a stretch."

"Great, thank you," Esther said. "You'll be serving the cast members coffee and soft drinks. Do you know anything about serving?"

Penny smiled and said, "I know a little."

As Esther walked away, Penny saw the person dressed as Boushh from Return of the Jedi standing in line to get autographs from the Babylon 5 cast in the next booth. She walked up to Boushh and said, "We don't have any lines at the Firefly booth. It would be a good time to come chat with the cast. They tell me Nathan Fillion and Summer Glau will be here shortly."

Boushh turned and looked at Penny. He cocked his head to the side and said, "Penny! My goodness, I didn't recognize you at first. Wow!"

"Shhh!" Penny said. "I have to stay in character. I'm Inara. You like?"

"I love it!" Leonard said with his synthesized voice. "I want you to remember how to dress like this. I can't get over it. You wouldn't want to take a quick trip up to the room, would you?"

Penny said, "I'm working right now, but we'll connect later. I hope the trip wouldn't have been that quick. I love you."

As Penny walked away, Leonard stood staring at her. "Wow!" he said as she approached a group of teenage boys who had been watching her. "I hope she stays in costume when we connect. Woof!"

#

On the other side of the arena, Sheldon, dressed as Spock, was next in line to have Hamish autograph the books Hamish had written that Sheldon was carrying in his shopping bag. As he reached the table, Hamish said, "That is a great Spock costume. What do you have for me?"

Sheldon said, "Mr. Mankiller, sir, I have six of your books with me for you to autograph. I have all of your books, but some of them are in eBook format that I bought for my e-reader, so I couldn't bring them for you to autograph."

Hamish said, "We were actually selling hardback copies of my latest book Deep Space Horizons."

"Oh," Sheldon said. "I've already bought that for my e-reader: It's supposed to download when it's released in two days. I guess I could buy another copy to get your autograph. I thought of sending my books with Penny for you to autograph after class, but she has been in a hurry since she started working with your wife."

"You know Penny?" Hamish asked, looking around. "Here: I'm not supposed to do this, but, if you'll let me have the books, I'll sign them and return them to you later. And take this copy of Deep Space Horizons-on the house. So you know Penny is writing now. What do you think?"

"I'm ashamed to admit it," Sheldon said, "but she has been helping me with my writing. She even storyboarded a fan fiction story I wrote and submitted it to your class as one of her first assignments."

"You're Leonard's roommate, the theoretical physicist, right?" Hamish said. "To tell you a little secret, Penny is my prize student. What do you think of how she's been trying to help you?"

"It's a bit humiliating," Sheldon said. "To think that a waitress is helping me, a trained scientist with a master's degree and two Ph.D.s, figure out how to write: A waitress." He shook his head.

Hamish said, "I don't recall meeting you when Penny brought my wife and me to Leonard's lab. I did get to meet their friends Howard and Raj and an engaging young woman named Alex."

"Alex is my assistant," Sheldon said. "My girlfriend Amy had taken me to have a teeth cleaning that day. I was disappointed I didn't get to meet you."

"Well, I'm sure we'll be seeing more of each other," Hamish said. "I'll be glad to autograph anything else you have. I have some souvenirs from some of the TV shows and movies I've worked on I can show you. We'll connect later. By the way: Have you seen Penny here today?"

"No, I haven't gone over to the Firefly booth yet," Sheldon said. "I'm waiting for Nathan Fillion to arrive. Leonard is walking around here dressed as Boushh from Return of the Jedi."

"I'll have to go check out Penny," Hamish said.

"Thank you for getting us tickets to the con," Sheldon said.

"Oh, it was my pleasure," Hamish said. "Are your other friends here?"

"Yes, my girlfriend Amy, Raj, and Howard and his wife Bernadette are here. Amy and Bernadette wouldn't dress in costumes. It's embarrassing."

#

Penny was standing in front of the new Cosmos TV series booth talking to four teenage boys in character as Inara. One of the boys asked her, "What is the difference between a companion and a whore?" He added, "If you call a companion a two-bit whore, she'll hit you over the head with a sack of quarters." He and his friends laughed at the joke.

Just as a shocked Penny was about to respond, a man who walked up behind her said, "I can answer your question. A prostitute is someone who sells his or her body for money. A companion is a futuristic equivalent of a geisha. They are highly educated women who have been selected for their beauty and intelligence, who have impeccable morals, and who are schooled in all the social graces as well as psychology. I think you owe this young woman an apology."

"Uh, all right, we're sorry," the leader of the group said as they turned and started walking away. The young men looked over their shoulders at Penny.

"Yeah, keep walking," the man said. He turned to Penny and said, "I'm so sorry you had to put up with that."

"Thank you," Penny said, "but I can take care of myself."

"I'm sure you can," the man said, smiling. "I just feel some responsibility."

"I don't see how," Penny said. "If you will excuse me, I am supposed to stay in character."

"Certainly," the man said, a large grin spreading across his face.

#

Hamish was autographing a copy of his new book when his friend came up and sat next to him.

"Oh, hey," Hamish said.

"How's it going?" the man asked.

"We're selling books hand-over-fist," Hamish said.

"Where's my sweet Lori?" his friend asked.

"She's coming in tonight," Hamish said. "She had a meeting with a publisher."

"When am I going to get to meet this student of yours?" the man asked.

Hamish said, "She's working right now. She's at the Firefly booth dressed as Inara."

"No joke?" the man asked. "I was just there. Some teenage boys were hassling an extraordinarily beautiful young woman dressed as Inara. I stepped in, but she said she can take care of herself."

"You had better believe she can take care of herself," Hamish said as he wrote, "To Jennifer: May all your horizons be golden."

The young woman thanked him and stared at his friend.

"What's that?" the man asked, looking at what Hamish had written.

"It's what they say in my book," Hamish said. "Haven't you read it yet? I messengered you a copy."

"No, I've been too busy working on the pilot for this new show," the man said.

"By the way, when you met Penny-that's the woman dressed as Inara-did she recognize you?" Hamish asked.

"If she did, she didn't say anything," the man said.

"She hasn't been into science fiction that long," Hamish said. "I'm sure she knows your name, she just didn't recognize you. She probably wouldn't recognize Joss Whedon if he came up and talked to her either, although she is familiar with his work."

#

Hamish stood in the background with his friend as the panel assembled with the remaining members of the original Star Trek cast. Penny, dressed as Yeoman Rand, appeared with a tray of the coffee, tea, and soft drinks each had requested. The production staff had given her the same hair, makeup, and wardrobe as the original Yeoman Rand, including the huge false eyelashes and the skimpy mini-skirt. Grace Lee Whitney, who had originally played Yeoman Rand, took one look at Penny and said, "My goodness, is that how I looked? You are beautiful, uh..."

"My name is Yeoman Rand," Penny said, setting Ms. Whitney's Earl Gray tea in front of her. "Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"Oh, my: That is nice staying in character," George Takei said. "Grace, I am glad they got someone as beautiful as this Yeoman Rand to play you."

Hamish pointed to Penny and said, "That's Penny."

"Wow!" the man with him said. "She is beautiful enough to be an actress full-time."

"Funny you should mention that," Hamish said.

#

Penny finished removing her Yeoman Rand makeup and put on her Once Upon a Time T-shirt with a picture of Rumpelstiltskin and Belle. She put the lanyard with her convention pass on it around her neck.

"Are you going back to the hotel?" Sarah, who had played slave girl Princess Leia at the Star Wars booth, asked. "We could get a drink."

"No, there's a panel discussion about writing science fiction," Penny said. "Hamish Mankiller is going to be there. I would really like to see it. You're welcome to come with me."

A few minutes later, Penny sat in one of the ballrooms as Hamish Mankiller, Kim Harrison, Jim Butcher, Mercedes Lackey, and Charlaine Harris talked about writing in their respective genres. The man who had intervened with the teenagers at the Firefly booth walked up to Penny and said, "It is crowded in here. Do you mind if I take this seat next to you?"

"Sure," Penny said.

After the panel discussion had finished, Penny waited for the audience members to file out. She walked up to the stage, where audience members were chatting with the authors and getting autographs.

The man came up to Penny and asked, "I take it you're interested in writing?"

Penny said, "Yes, I am working with an agent right now. I haven't gotten paid for anything yet, but my agent thinks I can."

"What have you written?" the man asked.

Penny told him, in general terms, what she had written.

Hamish walked to the edge of the stage. He said, "Penny. I'm glad you met my friend David Bolt."

Penny looked at David and said, "David Bolt, as in Nine Tomorrows and the Galactic Empire series?"

"Yeah," David said. "Could we go somewhere and chat, you and Hamish and me? I wish Lori was here, but I've already talked to her."

#

A few minutes later, Penny, Hamish, and David sat at a table in the dark corner of the restaurant in the hotel next door. David slipped the young server some cash and said, "Karen, do me a favor and make sure no one but you comes over to table."

Penny sipped a glass of milk while David had coffee and Hamish drank Irn-Bru.

"I've never heard of Irn-Bru," Penny said.

"This is the only place in Las Vegas I can get it," Hamish said. "My mom introduced me to it when she took me to Scotland when I was little, and I've enjoyed it ever since. It's kind of their version of Coke: It's the most popular non-alcoholic drink in Scotland. If you look up Irn-Bru on YouTube, you will find some of the most outrageous commercials. I order it by the case from this place in Hollywood." Hamish ordered Penny an Irn-Bru, but David declined, saying he had tried it, and it just wasn't his drink.

"Penny," David said, "Or should I say Anathema, Hamish told me about your story, so I went to the fan fiction site and read it. It was wonderful."

"Hamish is a great teacher," Penny said. "I have learned so much from him, and, during the weeks I've been working with his wife, she has taught me a lot as well. Hamish and my boyfriend have had me watching your movies and TV shows."

"You have that spark that the great writers have," David said. "I understand that Hamish's wife Lori is working with you to get the story in shape to sell as a free-standing novel."

"That's right," Penny said. "My boyfriend and I had dinner with Hamish and Lori a couple of weeks ago, and Lori told me she wanted to represent me. We're changing all the references to the Firefly series so I won't be violating copyright."

David said, "I have a proposition for you. I've already spoken to Lori while you were going around in character, and she's cool with it. We'll just have to work out the details if you're game."

"What is it?" Penny asked.

David said, "Hamish and I are working on the pilot for a new series. The working name is Event Horizon. It takes place in deep space. It is actually a spin-off of my Nine Tomorrows TV series. I don't think anyone has done a spin-off from a TV series that has been off the air that long before-unless you count the different Star Trek spin-offs-and they certainly haven't tried one from a series that was canceled after 12 episodes. I want to introduce it in a second Ten Tomorrows movie entitled Eleven Tomorrows and then use it as the pilot for the series. It's about an assassin who double-crosses the government, forms a partnership with someone they hired her to assassinate, and then hides out on this world where they emphasize science and technology. After I read your fan fiction, I decided to change my plot around and adapt your story. Are you interested in selling me the TV and movie rights to your story? I told Lori I'm willing to release rights to the novel so you can still release it either as an independent novel or a Nine Tomorrows one."

"Well, uh," Penny said, looking at Hamish. "I couldn't make any decisions until I talk with my agent."

"Spoken like a true writer," David said. "Hamish said you have a fiancé. Why don't you, your fiancé, Hamish, Lori, and I have dinner tomorrow evening after Lori gets in and talk about it? I've hired Hamish to be the head writer, but he recommended that I hire you to assist him in adapting your story for the series. If one of the networks picks up the series, of course, I would want you and Hamish as the writers. Please talk to Lori, and we can discuss it tomorrow night."

#

Amy and Sheldon sat in the audience for the fan fiction panel discussion. The MC, who said she goes by the screen name Lady Fluff Puppy, read the next question: "For all the panel: How do you handle the hateful trolls who do nothing but slam your work, who make hateful personal attacks against you?"

One of the writers, with the nameplate Professor Proton in front of him, said, "I just ignore them. They are obviously from petulant, immature pre-teens who just want to act like big shots and get on the site and hurt. It's the same whenever you look at the comments sections for the online articles from newspapers or TV show sites. There are people who, no matter what the article's about, just want to get on the sites and make horribly hateful comments. I'm embarrassed for them."

"Same here," Mr. Fuzzyboots said. "What the people who slam your work and make hateful comments don't seem to accept is that the fan fiction sites were created to be safe havens where aspiring writers can come and test the waters. The way I look at it, all of us want to be the best writers we can be, and it doesn't help to come in and not have anything supportive to say. I'm so sick of reviewers whining that what I write is off-canon. If I were happy with canon on the shows and movies I write for, I wouldn't be writing fan fiction, I would just watch my DVDs. Constructive criticism I can certainly value, but hurtful nastiness is unnecessary and inappropriate. I look at the fanfic site I frequent as my writer's group."

"I disagree," Commander Spock said. "I think it helps if you have a take-no-prisoners approach to reviewing. If it sucks, say it sucks. I haven't read many good fan fiction works. I probably send in 20 negative reviews for every positive review."

"Really?" Lady Fluff Puppy asked. "How much have you published professionally that makes you such an authority?"

"Well, that's not the point," Commander Spock said.

"Humor me," Lady Fluff Puppy said.

"Yeah," Leeloo said. "What have you published professionally? What makes you the world's foremost authority?"

"To be honest, I've never published anything professionally for money. Everything I've published has had to be self-published," Commander Spock said. "There's this independent publishing house near where I lived called the He Has Risen Press, where ministers publish their sermons and family historians publish genealogies. If you pay them $250 plus $25 per book, they will publish as many copies of your books as you want. I've published a few books that way. More recently, I've gone to several fan fiction sites and published my books as e-books."

"How many have you sold?" Vaniel asked.

"Well, none," Commander Spock said."

"Nothing for money?" Mr. Fuzzyboots asked.

"No, nothing," Commander Spock said.

"Then you're just a narcissistic dilettante," Mr. Fuzzyboots said. "These people work their tails off on these stories and take a leap of faith when they submit them, and trolls like you come in just to tear down and hurt. How do your reviews look?"

"I don't read my reviews," Commander Spock said. "I don't take advice from people who write fan fiction."

"Figures," Leeloo said.

"I don't have to take this. I think you're all a bunch of writer wannabes and neverbes," Commander Spock said as he stood, turned, and disappeared behind the curtain.

The audience applauded as he left the stage.

#

Leonard, Sheldon, Raj, Howard, Amy, and Bernadette sat at the arena's food court.

"Is Penny still working?" Bernadette asked.

"No," Leonard said, placing his helmet on the table next to him and switching off the voice synthesizer. "She went to the science fiction writing panel discussion and left with Hamish. She texted me and said a friend of Hamish's wanted to meet her. They went to the restaurant next door and are talking."

"I was at the science fiction writing panel discussion too, before Amy and I went to the fan fiction panel," Sheldon said. "The science fiction panel was good. Writing science fiction and fantasy is harder than I ever thought. Just like everything else, I am going to have to spend a few weeks mastering the craft."

"Leonard, are you jealous that Penny spends so much time with Hamish?" Bernadette asked.

"No," Leonard said. "I was a little at first, but, now that I've seen them together and have seen Hamish with his wife, I don't think I have anything to worry about. I think Penny had a crush at first, but I think it's almost like a father-daughter relationship now."

Bernadette said, "You do know that the rest of us were concerned about and you Penny for a while there, don't you? We were afraid you were going to break up again."

"I was afraid of that too," Leonard said. "The night I left, when we had the fight Raj caused-thank you very much, by the way-I slept in my office. She came to my office the next morning after her class. We didn't get to talk much then, other than to agree that we both wanted to stay together, but we did talk that night and made up. I'm not going to embarrass her by blabbing the details, but we finally had that long talk we've needed to have for so long."

"So you're good?" Bernadette asked.

"Yeah," Leonard said. "We're still not engaged, but I feel some better about where we are. We at least have a cease-fire. I guess you could say we're engaged to be engaged, whatever that means."

"I feel better about where I am too," Sheldon said. "From hearing the science fiction and fantasy writers talk about their craft, it is obvious that I am so much more intelligent than they are, so it is equally obvious that, if they can write and get paid for it, I can too. It means that I need to learn to cater to the lowest common denominator and write stories that even those with inferior intelligence can understand. If they don't understand it and don't like it, I'll just have to work harder to dumb it down for them."

"Do tell," Leonard said.

#

Hamish and Penny walked back to the con to meet up with Leonard.

Hamish said, "Penny, I have been meaning to ask you, if you don't mind, how things worked out between you and Leonard. I have been seeing much more positive energy in your writing lately than I did there for a while, not to mention that the old Penny has been back in class."

"We worked it out-for now," Penny said. "He wants me to commit to when we're going to get married. We didn't come together on that, but we're going to continue talking about it. We agreed that we are definitely planning to get married. I've been more attentive to him since then: I've really been making an extra effort. I'm reminding myself to show him affection and not make him fight for every little bit of attention. I actually have something I need to tell him-something good-that might change things between us. You know, I think there's a good chance that we'll go directly to getting married without being engaged first."

"Have you told him that?" Hamish asked.

"No," Penny said. "Leonard would just take it the wrong way."

#

Sheldon sat at the table in his hotel room typing on his laptop. There was a knock at the door.

"Yes? Oh, hi, Amy," Sheldon said through the crack in the door.

"I thought I would come in for a bit," Amy said.

"Suit yourself," Sheldon said, opening the door.

"What are you doing?" Amy asked.

Sheldon said, "I wanted to do one more read-through on my latest chapter and then post it, but eight reviews and four PMs came in today, and Penny said the social convention is to respond."

Amy walked behind Sheldon and looked over his shoulder as he typed. She said, "I thought you and I might spend some time together, maybe catch a show or go to the casino. You know, the social convention for boyfriends and girlfriends is that they spend time together."

"Not gonna happen, Skidmark," Sheldon said. "I always post on Fridays, and this is Friday."

"Sheldon," Amy said, "We're paying all this money to be in Las Vegas. Maybe we should take advantage of it."

"I am," Sheldon said. "I've already taken two showers today and did not have to use the shampoo or soap I brought. I ate the free breakfast and went to the cookies and juice party after supper and plan to do both again tomorrow."

Amy sat on the bed watching Sheldon. She said, "I have an idea: There's a wedding chapel two blocks away. You can get married by a minister dressed as Spock. It's called the Final Frontier. Does that give you any ideas?"

Sheldon turned around and said, "I would like to see that. Maybe we could go watch the minister perform a wedding as Spock."

"Or we could get married," Amy said.

"Good one," Sheldon said. "You get your own Bazinga."

#

Penny crawled into bed next to Leonard after her shower wearing a pair of his sleep pants and one of his Dr. Who T-shirts. Leonard was reading the next Danger Boy comic. "You smell nice," he said. "Strawberry?"

"Raspberry shampoo," Penny said.

Penny took the comic book from Leonard's hands and put it on the nightstand.

"What's up?" Leonard asked.

"Come here," Penny said. "I'm going to do stuff to you."

#

Penny woke while it was still dark. She picked up her phone and saw that she had 45 minutes before time for her and Leonard to get up and get breakfast together before she had to report to hair, makeup, and wardrobe.

"What's wrong?" Leonard asked.

"I woke up, and I can't go back to sleep," she said. "I may as well cut off the alarm on my phone. If you want, I can get up and go get some juice while you get your last 45 minutes."

"Why don't both of us go on down?" Leonard asked. "We haven't tried the 24-hour cafe across the street. We could go ahead and start breakfast. I could leave emails for the others so they can join us if they want."

Leonard and Penny started getting dressed.

"Are you worried about something?" Leonard asked. "You woke up and couldn't go back to sleep yesterday morning, and I know you were awake at least until 3:00 this morning because I kept hearing you moving around."

"I'm feeling worried about a couple of things," Penny said. "One of the things I'm worrying about is I know you want me to commit to when we're going to get married. I think we've been getting along better since we sort of agreed on a cease-fire, but I feel as if I owe you more."

"I think we've been getting along better too," Leonard said.

They rode down in the elevator, just the two of them.

"Leonard," Penny said. "I still sense some stress between us."

"I do too," Leonard said.

"You know something?" Penny said, "I have really been making an effort to be more attentive, more affectionate with you since that night when you stormed out."

"I've noticed. I appreciate that," Leonard said.

Leonard and Penny reached the ground floor. They left the hotel and walked across the street and down one block in the dark to the 24-hour cafe. They both ordered coffee. The server assured them that, at this hour, they were fine taking a large table even though their friends had not arrived yet, since the breakfast crowd usually did not come in for at least another hour. Penny looked at her coffee, thought for a moment, and ordered apple juice. She ordered the Lumberjack Breakfast, while Leonard ordered a Heart-Smart Egg White Breakfast Burrito with a side of fruit and whole-grain granola.

When the server had left, Penny asked, "Leonard, why do you want to marry me? Why isn't what we have now enough?"

Leonard said, "For me, marriage is the ultimate commitment. It says I promise I'll be there for you for the rest of our lives. I'm so ready to do that with you. Heck, I'm not just ready to do it, I have to do it. I have been ready for that for so long. I want us to start a future together."

Penny took Leonard's hand and asked, "I know you wanted me to propose to you, but is your last proposal still on the table?"

"Of course," Leonard said.

"Then we'll need to talk about that," Penny said. "Do you realize you haven't told me you love me since the night we had the fight?"


	6. Epilogue

The Big Bang Theory: The Fan Fiction Affliction

Epilogue

Leonard and Penny finished unloading the car after arriving home from Las Vegas.

Penny said, "Why don't you put your bags in your apartment and come over so we can spend a quiet Sunday evening together before Sheldon and Amy get back?"

"That would be great," Leonard said. "I'm glad we stopped for supper."

A few minutes later, Leonard and Penny cuddled on Penny's sofa as they watched Once Upon a Time.

"I can't get over how Hamish and Robert Carlyle, who plays Mr. Gold and Rumpelstiltskin, are so much alike they could be twins," Penny said. "He is so hot."

"You said he was hot when you had me watch Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom Dancing and Charm School," Leonard said. "Ever since I saw him and Marissa Tomei getting busy on the restaurant's kneading board, I get aroused every time I see someone with flour on their pants."

"Well there is something appealing about shorter, scruffy men with IQs through the roof," Penny said. "I love his Scottish accent. We're going to have to order the Hamish Macbeth TV series he did for BBC-Scotland from Netflix."

Leonard said, "Sheldon seems to be enjoying fan fiction now that you helped him over that rough patch."

"Sheldon's big problem," Penny said, "continues to be that he isn't willing to be terribly creative. Everything he writes is just a re-working of plots he has seen on TV or the movies. He doesn't take any chances and try new ideas."

"At least he is getting positive reviews for a change," Leonard said. "We can all thank you for that. Now he's whining about your success as a professional writer and how it's not fair that a waitress is having this success and he, an award-winning theoretical physicist, is stuck writing fan fiction. Speaking of that, look at you, you big-time writer, working on David Bolt's new TV series pilot and having Hamish Mankiller as a writing partner-and getting paid six figures for it."

"I can't wait to start this week," Penny said.

"Is working on the pilot going to interfere with your finishing the course?" Leonard asked.

"I don't think so," Penny said. "Hamish said that, since I only have one other course to finish so I can graduate in the spring, he really wants me to do it and not drop out. I'll be taking his advanced writing course, so we can take care of both writing for the series and fulfilling my course requirements at one time."

Leonard and Penny watched the Once Upon a Time episode. "That was a sweet scene between Mr. Gold and Belle," Penny said. "She is so beautiful." She looked at Leonard and asked, "What? Why are you grinning?"

Leonard said, "I know how he feels. When you've met your soul mate, you know it."

"Leonard," Penny said. "You know I love you, right?"

"I guess," Leonard said.

"You need to do more than guess," Penny said. "Leonard I've been trying as hard as I can to show you how much I love you ever since that night when I was afraid we broke up. Leonard, have you noticed anything unusual the past few days while we were in Las Vegas?"

"Like what?" Leonard asked.

"Oh, a few things," Penny said. "I haven't had a drop of alcohol in weeks, I've been avoiding soft drinks and coffee, and I've been eating like a horse."

"You've always had a healthy appetite," Leonard said.

"Leonard," Penny said, "Maybe, as soon as the show is over, we need to walk to the 24-hour pharmacy on Colorado."

"Why? Are you all right?" Leonard asked.

"I'm late."

"Late? For what?" Leonard asked.

"L-a-t-e," Penny said.

"Late for w-h-a-t? Penny? Late for what?"

#

_Author's Note: That's it, all she wrote. Thank you for indulging me to the end of the story. I promised a short story from the outset, and I've written all I had storyboarded. To be honest, I don't have anything else planned to post at the site for the moment. I'm not saying I'll never post again, I just don't have anything planned out right now. I know I have left two stories hanging. Maybe I'll finish posting them at some point, or maybe I'll just delete them: I really fell in love with Emily and want to see her as she grows. I'm continuing to write the chapters for those two stories, I just don't see there's enough interest in them to continue to post them right now. Maybe my wife, who just got 300+ reviews on her latest story for another show, will suggest another plot as she did this one, and maybe I'll post a one-shot or two. I'll have to admit that I thoroughly enjoyed writing the Promotion Commotion. I do have a completed story, the first fanfic I ever wrote, I've never posted because it's a tragedy involving TBBT. I started writing it the night Penny broke up with Leonard at the bowling alley after he told her he loved her, and I was furious with the show's writers, so I showed them by doing something unthinkable with one of the characters. I've just never thought it would be good to inflict something so sad on unsuspecting readers: Everyone who has read it has cried. On a lighter note, writing and posting fanfic did light a fire under me to pick back up the novel I had set aside a couple of years ago and try to get it in shape to submit to an agent, and that's rather exciting. My agent, who has stuck with me on a number of books on neuropsychology, special needs, and the psychological evaluation process, only handles non-fiction, specifically medical writing, so he can't help with fiction._

_Please don't be a stranger. I've become very close to a couple of folks and intend to keep in touch, so please don't hesitate to PM me. Take care._

_By the way: The troll review "U suk. . . ." was a verbatim review I have gotten on multiple occasions from the Shenny crowd who were furious when I put Leonard and Penny together as a couple._

_OK, I'm really ending this time._

_May the force be with you._

_May you live long and prosper._

_Mitakuye Oyasin._

_May your shoes always be loose._

_To the stars through bolts and bars._

_-Joseph Aniwaya_


End file.
